Going Down with Guns Blazing and Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches Flying
I am being shaken down - shook down - (shaking down?) by some institution and its group insurance office. While people are doing their jobs...the process that they are defending is a bastard and it's set up to (potentially) screw me over - with no remedy. I'm trying to do an end-around, but it probably will not work. They may continue stealing $300 from me every two weeks. One thing is clear...I'm not going down without a fight...a fight that could make things worse for all parties involved. In my sick, fucked-up mind - that may be a win.
When I was a kid (5th grade or something like that) there was an older kid who threatened to beat me up if I didn’t give him my hot lunch money (this story would be sad if it wasn’t so hackneyed…wait – maybe that makes it even sadder). I said: “This is my money. I’m hungry.” We fought, I tried my best but he kicked my ass and got most of my lunch money. The next day I ran into the kid again. When he threatened me, I said: “Hey, you took my money yesterday.” The dick kid, er, big kid said: “I don’t give a care. I’ll take your money every day. In fact, tomorrow, if you look for me and give me the money, I might not beat you up.” Then he beat me up…but as he was kicking my ass, I threw my hot lunch money away. I knew I was going to get my ass kicked anyway, why let him have my money? By the way, where are the morning recess teachers when you need ‘em? The third day I brought my lunch. I asked my mom to make me a really gooey peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I looked for the big kid, snuck up on him and smashed the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his face. He screamed some B.S. at me. I’d like to think I had the presence of mind to ask him: “What, you don’t like peanut butter and jelly?” I can’t say I said that but let’s pretend that I did. After he beat me up and was walking away, I told him, while crying a little: “I’m going to look for you everyday and do the same thing. Peanut butter and jelly is all you’re going to get.”
There were a few more fights and I am unsure who won the overall standoff. I’d like to think I did because he didn’t steal any more money from me – and I got to smash a few more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his face. However, the one thing that is clear is - I lost all the fistfights.
I’ve got a bad (good?) feeling the same thing is going to happen in the current situation. I better buy some jelly.
When I was a kid (5th grade or something like that) there was an older kid who threatened to beat me up if I didn’t give him my hot lunch money (this story would be sad if it wasn’t so hackneyed…wait – maybe that makes it even sadder). I said: “This is my money. I’m hungry.” We fought, I tried my best but he kicked my ass and got most of my lunch money. The next day I ran into the kid again. When he threatened me, I said: “Hey, you took my money yesterday.” The dick kid, er, big kid said: “I don’t give a care. I’ll take your money every day. In fact, tomorrow, if you look for me and give me the money, I might not beat you up.” Then he beat me up…but as he was kicking my ass, I threw my hot lunch money away. I knew I was going to get my ass kicked anyway, why let him have my money? By the way, where are the morning recess teachers when you need ‘em? The third day I brought my lunch. I asked my mom to make me a really gooey peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I looked for the big kid, snuck up on him and smashed the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his face. He screamed some B.S. at me. I’d like to think I had the presence of mind to ask him: “What, you don’t like peanut butter and jelly?” I can’t say I said that but let’s pretend that I did. After he beat me up and was walking away, I told him, while crying a little: “I’m going to look for you everyday and do the same thing. Peanut butter and jelly is all you’re going to get.”
There were a few more fights and I am unsure who won the overall standoff. I’d like to think I did because he didn’t steal any more money from me – and I got to smash a few more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his face. However, the one thing that is clear is - I lost all the fistfights.
I’ve got a bad (good?) feeling the same thing is going to happen in the current situation. I better buy some jelly.
posted by edP | 9:46 AM
3 Comments:
Ed, there's a little adage that has served me well when the deck is stacked against me, my back is against the wall, and my +3 longsword has just been shattered (so to speak).
"No problem is so large that it can't be solved with a medium-sized can of gasoline."
It used to be "large can of gasoline", but, well, fuel prices and all that.
Forget the "end-around," Ed. Go for the "reach-around."
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