How Lowe Can You Go

So I sort of forgot how good of a pitcher Derrick Lowe is. I told everybody at work and on the interwebs that the Cubs will breeze through Game One with Dempster doing that goofy thing with his mitt and not even break a sweat.

I forgot that Derrick Lowe went toe to toe...

Towe?

...with the 2004 Yankees and cowboyed up. Sorry any BoSOX haters out there, I hope the memory of that series doesn't make you want to cowboy upchuck.

Now, sorry to everyone else.

But Lowe was a valuable part of that truly historic (albeit somewhat overrated) team.

Now the Cubs as presently constituted are no 04 Yankees or 04 BoSOX, but their lineup is as dangerous as any out there today in the post-steroids era. And Lowe made them look lost, with the exception of DeRosa's brilliant AB in the 2nd.

Was it the 2nd? It all went by so fast.

But Lowe, true to his name reduced those mighty Cub bats to too many dribblers and fly balls to the warning track. And how...

Howe?

...how did Derrick Lowe achieve this? He made the gophers and rats of Wrigley worry for their heads by keeping the ball down, down, down. It was over for the Mitt Twister....

That could've been a great nickname for Romney by the way....

Mitt Twister!

....I think I stole that line from a German commercial for Twister...Your kinders vill frolic mit Twister!

Sorry Germans.

But as soon as Ryan D started walking guys in bunches it was only a matter of time before he started missing up in the zone (exactly what happened to the poor bastard the one good game my SOX had against him this year)...and once he started missing up in the zone his evening was done.

Ya gotta be able to keep the ball down if you want to make a dangerous lineup feel helpless.

If you want to make your own team feel helpless, walk a bunch of guys and that'll get the job done.

This is all easy for a douche like me to say, and of course keeping the ball down doesn't prevent Manny from hitting it out of the park. That motherfucker can go so low for a ball he can dig a hole, go down there, stuff some more of that head hay he calls a haircut in his blue rag, hotbox the gophers and rats that lie just below home plate, hit the ball out of the friggin park and be out of there in time to miss another public appearance.

I still think the Cubs can and should win this series. Good luck to the Cubs, their fans and to Carlos "The Hurricane" Zambrano. Bring home a winner tomorrow because I got a feeling the team I love from Chicago may be picking up the pieces from a tough loss in Saint Pete.

I will say one thing in defense of the team I love...I hope Javier goes out tomorrow and pitches a whale of a ballgame just to stick it up the backsides of all those pundits who still think of him as a four inning pitcher. He has offered up some great starts, going late into games near the end of the disastrous 2007 season and this year as well. Go get 'em WhiteSOX! Win one for Dave Wills.