Trust
Kim and I went to see the new James Bond last night. Fun date movie. Is it the best Bond? I dunno. I liked it but I also liked Moonraker when I saw it so there you have it.
I’d say something about how happy I am that a Trojan was eaten by a Bruin but some might think a wild bear had wandered into the Walgreen’s contraception aisle. I’ve got a feeling that my thoughts on college football might be even more unwelcome than some of my baseball observations. I like the BCS (and part of me thinks I’m an idiot for doing so).
The last three weeks or so a running theme through the sermons of Monsignor Nelson and Fr. Godwin is how we can do nothing without God’s help. Every time we try to take everything on our shoulders – the buck stops here – it’s all on me…that’s when we are sure to stumble. Something I wrote in the harried early months of taking care of an infant…
Wake up and you’re someone’s daddy
Almost overnight
So much that you can’t do over so you’ve got to do it right
It’s all on you and you’re so confused
That you’re a stranger to your life
But the light is so much brighter
Shining in his eyes
Nothing’s ever been the same since the
Day you brought him home
Hurry up and wait and you’re always late and
You never are alone
No time for sin when you’re up with him for
More than half the night
And the night is so much brighter
Shining in his eyes
…whatever the merits of the lyrics – and whatever I thought the payoff was – in the hard work that turned to love for my beautiful son…
What made me so crazy and fucked up all the time and kept me running around like a fool was I was so sure that raising the kid was all on Kim and I. We were gonna make it together but it was all us.
It’s not all us or “all on me”. If it is there is no hope in the truly wonderful sense of that word.
If we are so self reliant – there’s no need for hope right? We don’t need hope or fate or faith if we can conquer anything.
I need the church for the sacraments. I need the church for her holy days of obligations. But most of all I need the church for the good sense that comes from men who remind me that I never accomplish anything alone.
Even if you don’t believe in ghosts, Holy or otherwise…so much of parenting relies on you taking the good and bad from your own childhood/family experiences. Your family teaches you, gives you great gifts (even in things you think were mistakes)…and those lessons help you throughout your life.
Acknowledging these things helps you take your first steps into a larger world, or at least a world in which you cannot and should not control everything.
I’d say something about how happy I am that a Trojan was eaten by a Bruin but some might think a wild bear had wandered into the Walgreen’s contraception aisle. I’ve got a feeling that my thoughts on college football might be even more unwelcome than some of my baseball observations. I like the BCS (and part of me thinks I’m an idiot for doing so).
The last three weeks or so a running theme through the sermons of Monsignor Nelson and Fr. Godwin is how we can do nothing without God’s help. Every time we try to take everything on our shoulders – the buck stops here – it’s all on me…that’s when we are sure to stumble. Something I wrote in the harried early months of taking care of an infant…
Wake up and you’re someone’s daddy
Almost overnight
So much that you can’t do over so you’ve got to do it right
It’s all on you and you’re so confused
That you’re a stranger to your life
But the light is so much brighter
Shining in his eyes
Nothing’s ever been the same since the
Day you brought him home
Hurry up and wait and you’re always late and
You never are alone
No time for sin when you’re up with him for
More than half the night
And the night is so much brighter
Shining in his eyes
…whatever the merits of the lyrics – and whatever I thought the payoff was – in the hard work that turned to love for my beautiful son…
What made me so crazy and fucked up all the time and kept me running around like a fool was I was so sure that raising the kid was all on Kim and I. We were gonna make it together but it was all us.
It’s not all us or “all on me”. If it is there is no hope in the truly wonderful sense of that word.
If we are so self reliant – there’s no need for hope right? We don’t need hope or fate or faith if we can conquer anything.
I need the church for the sacraments. I need the church for her holy days of obligations. But most of all I need the church for the good sense that comes from men who remind me that I never accomplish anything alone.
Even if you don’t believe in ghosts, Holy or otherwise…so much of parenting relies on you taking the good and bad from your own childhood/family experiences. Your family teaches you, gives you great gifts (even in things you think were mistakes)…and those lessons help you throughout your life.
Acknowledging these things helps you take your first steps into a larger world, or at least a world in which you cannot and should not control everything.
posted by edP | 8:15 AM
5 Comments:
I also find that trying to be in control of every facet of all situations can make a person a basket case and not much fun to be around.
Don't knock the Moonraker. Sure it was cartoonish but it gave us Lois Chiles!
I liked the Moonraker.
I definitely use my own family & childhood as a blueprint - mostly as a comfort to cling to - sure, I remember spankings & other punishments, but not with a sense of injustice or being terrorized - and every time I lose it with the boy and yell at him, I'm afraid that that will become his overriding sense of his childhood ("when I was a kid, Jeanz was always yelling at me, she sucks"). So I hold out hope that, like me, he'll remember crafts and reading and planting more than yelling and having his toys taken away.
Also, I rely a great deal on luck (you might call it grace? I don't know) - as in, the one time I didn't remind him that we were in a parking lot and he shouldn't dash out behind the car, he did just that, and I was lucky there was no car zooming down the aisle. Accident potential is everywhere. Most of the time it's just luck that keeps us safe.
Moonraker was my first Bond movie in a theater (your guys too?) so that's why it has a special place in my heart.
I think the mad magazine parody was called "Goonfaker."
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