25 Things You Didn’t WANT to Know About Me
1. I come from money, just not enough of it.
2. I once mistook a bunt pan for a bed pan, or was it the other way around?
3. I find Kathleen Turner attractive, in her present condition.
4. I cried at the end of Turner and Hooch because I went to see Turner and Hooch.
5. If I could be one other person besides me I’d be one of the George Bushes because they get to retire (I guess that’s two people but it’s my fucking list!)
6. I can remember the smell of the most disgusting earwax I have encountered.
7. I once turned down a trip up the Hershey Highway (driving not riding you bastards!)
8. I hate – HATE Ollie’s Frozen Custard so take that rest of DeKalb/Sycamore.
9. There are more photos of me in public toilets than I’d like (one was plenty)
10. Should I go on?
11. I read Tuesday’s with Maury and cried like a twist.
12. I cried when the White Sox won the World Series.
13. I think Dick Vermeil is a pussy because he cries too damned much.
14. I am the most humble person you’ll ever meet…ain’t nobody humbler.
15. I don’t what it’s like to draw a fat salary but I once sketched a skinny tomato.
16. I stole #15 from Abbot and Costello.
17. The first time I felt like a parent is when my kid threw up on me, then turned around and sprayed diarrhea in my general direction (I think it was unintentional)
18. I read the Bible every night before bed…in the nude.
19. The first time I saw an actual douche bag I thought ‘That’s not such a bad thing to call somebody’
20. I don’t truly feel empathy, pity or compassion for the poor. I just think they need a fucking break in this life.
21. Most babies I’ve seen, with the exception of my kid are pretty boring to me.
22. My parents caught me masturbating…EVERY TIME!!!
23. I hate Mickey fucking Mouse more than Charles Bukowski hated sobriety.
24. Drew Peterson and I are engaged.
25. And, saving the scariest thing for last, 80% of this list is true.
2. I once mistook a bunt pan for a bed pan, or was it the other way around?
3. I find Kathleen Turner attractive, in her present condition.
4. I cried at the end of Turner and Hooch because I went to see Turner and Hooch.
5. If I could be one other person besides me I’d be one of the George Bushes because they get to retire (I guess that’s two people but it’s my fucking list!)
6. I can remember the smell of the most disgusting earwax I have encountered.
7. I once turned down a trip up the Hershey Highway (driving not riding you bastards!)
8. I hate – HATE Ollie’s Frozen Custard so take that rest of DeKalb/Sycamore.
9. There are more photos of me in public toilets than I’d like (one was plenty)
10. Should I go on?
11. I read Tuesday’s with Maury and cried like a twist.
12. I cried when the White Sox won the World Series.
13. I think Dick Vermeil is a pussy because he cries too damned much.
14. I am the most humble person you’ll ever meet…ain’t nobody humbler.
15. I don’t what it’s like to draw a fat salary but I once sketched a skinny tomato.
16. I stole #15 from Abbot and Costello.
17. The first time I felt like a parent is when my kid threw up on me, then turned around and sprayed diarrhea in my general direction (I think it was unintentional)
18. I read the Bible every night before bed…in the nude.
19. The first time I saw an actual douche bag I thought ‘That’s not such a bad thing to call somebody’
20. I don’t truly feel empathy, pity or compassion for the poor. I just think they need a fucking break in this life.
21. Most babies I’ve seen, with the exception of my kid are pretty boring to me.
22. My parents caught me masturbating…EVERY TIME!!!
23. I hate Mickey fucking Mouse more than Charles Bukowski hated sobriety.
24. Drew Peterson and I are engaged.
25. And, saving the scariest thing for last, 80% of this list is true.
posted by edP | 4:12 PM
4 Comments:
So, was it "write 25 things you don't know about me" day of facebook or something? We have a friend (who is in his early 50s) who has daughter who is 27ish, a roller derby chick who knits (and has a book out about knitting for roller derby- talk about niche market!) and owns/runs a coffee shop and she posted a 25 things list too- she said she copied it from her facebook. eh? seemed a bit too coincidental.
That's exactly it. I've been tagged by 30 some people to do it and I think it is BS so I did what I always do when confronted by BS. I out BS'd the BS-ers. And that's how I have gotten to this station in life.
I suck.
DUDE! I saw Turner & Hooch in the theater too--remind me to do my T & H psyche-up chant next time I see you.
Or don't.
26. Ed's farts smell worse than an inside-out tauntaun. Roasted!
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