Helluva Halloween

Alex, his mom and I had the best Halloween. This was the first year (since he’s been able to sort of assert himself) that he’s wanted to wear a costume and knock on strangers’ doors. The past two years – Trix has wanted to make the boy a costume and I’ve had to say – “Thanks girl, but he says he won’t wear it. I don’t want to force him to do anything. Halloween should be fun or it should be nothing. Thanks anyhoo.” The Trix is a sport eh. She also helps me with all my tool needs – insert your “cheatin’ on Bill Garver” – or, more appropriately – “Ed YOU are a tool” joke here…or anywhere…oh, wait, I know where you can insert that joke. You? Who am I talking to?

Oh, Halloween. So, the kid was Spiderman and I was his archrival Dr. Otto Octavious (it really worked out that a guy with that name ended up having four extra arms fused to his body…) – Man you can’t make this shit up! Alex asked me what would make him REALLY be like Spiderman. This was two weeks ago. I guess he was getting into character. I’m glad he didn’t want to be the Kingpin – the kid hates to eat. Anyway, he wanted to know what would make people believe he really was Spiderman – I said “You need some jokes kid. Spiderman had a lot of one liners.” We worked up a few…some are from the comic books themselves…some we made up.

Dad as Doc Ock: “Spiderman, you’ve made a career out of interfering with my plans.”
Alex as Spiderman: “Some career. No salary, no vacation.”

Dad as Doc Ock: “Spiderman, this I swear: You are my enemy!”
Alex as Spiderman: “Well, that tears it. I’m taking you off of my Christmas list”
this one was a stretch

Dad as Doc Ock: “Spiderman, I will get you if it’s the last thing I do.”
Alex as Spiderman:: “Can you make it the second to last think you do because we’re out of milk?”

We did our little skits at a few places…but the best part of Halloween was just seeing him do his trick or treating like a wonderful four year old. He’d knock at the door, or ring the doorbell with confidence. Say his “Trick or Treat” clearly…and offer the person a nice thank you. He didn’t want to stop going to door to door – and my beautiful boy is not always that comfortable with people – especially strangers. Kim and I were so proud. She looked at me at one point and whispered, “This is great because we know he’s not going door to door because he wants candy.” Yeah, the kid doesn’t like candy – and we can’t get him to talk to strangers – be careful with any jokes you may be thinking of – you’re fucking with Spiderman here!!!! To anybody who doesn’t know me and is reading this blog – my friends are sick motherfuckers and are more than willing to make the joke I tried to warn them against making – so you best move on…

Finally, here are 16 words that should’ve been taken out of another speech by G Bushy:

“I love that Walker Texas Ranger. He is just poured into that cowboy hat. Me sleepy.”