Sustaining Wood
I am endlessly fascinated by stories of international, consumer/environmental watchdogs prowling WalMarts for goods made from illegally procured lumber.
Story
I know I should not make light of such things but I can’t help myself.
I keep thinking about the guy saying “See, this picture frame? Made in China.”
Interviewer: “So this frame is bad because it was made from illegal wood by slave labor?”
Watchdog guy: “No, the Chinese get most of their wood illegally from Russia. The Russian Mafia smuggles millions in wood to Chinese, and manufacturers around the world.”
This is proof that the Russian mob is infinitely more interesting than I suspect our cosa nostra are here in the good ole USA.
They’ve got lumberjacks!
We've got a lumberjack mob gap. This would never happen if Kennedy was still president.
Congress, probably snickering like the sophomoric jackals they are (but we love them because they are our sophomoric jackals) is getting involved. Politikos around this nation, feel free to steal these obvious headlines you could’ve written yourself
CONGRESS LAYS THE WOOD ON ILLEGAL TIMBER IMPORTS
CONGRESS STIFFENS PENALTIES FOR WOOD VIOLATIONS
HARD TIMES COMING FOR WOOD SMUGGLERS
“TIMBER!” RESTRICTIONS COME DOWN ON QUESTIONABLE LUMBER HARVESTS
MARK FOLEY OUTRAGED THAT THIS LEGISLATION NEVER CAME BEFORE HIM WHEN HE WAS IN CONGRESS
CONGRESS PENIS ERECT PENIS REFERENCE TREES DICK DICK DICK
Story
I know I should not make light of such things but I can’t help myself.
I keep thinking about the guy saying “See, this picture frame? Made in China.”
Interviewer: “So this frame is bad because it was made from illegal wood by slave labor?”
Watchdog guy: “No, the Chinese get most of their wood illegally from Russia. The Russian Mafia smuggles millions in wood to Chinese, and manufacturers around the world.”
This is proof that the Russian mob is infinitely more interesting than I suspect our cosa nostra are here in the good ole USA.
They’ve got lumberjacks!
We've got a lumberjack mob gap. This would never happen if Kennedy was still president.
Congress, probably snickering like the sophomoric jackals they are (but we love them because they are our sophomoric jackals) is getting involved. Politikos around this nation, feel free to steal these obvious headlines you could’ve written yourself
CONGRESS LAYS THE WOOD ON ILLEGAL TIMBER IMPORTS
CONGRESS STIFFENS PENALTIES FOR WOOD VIOLATIONS
HARD TIMES COMING FOR WOOD SMUGGLERS
“TIMBER!” RESTRICTIONS COME DOWN ON QUESTIONABLE LUMBER HARVESTS
MARK FOLEY OUTRAGED THAT THIS LEGISLATION NEVER CAME BEFORE HIM WHEN HE WAS IN CONGRESS
CONGRESS PENIS ERECT PENIS REFERENCE TREES DICK DICK DICK
posted by edP | 6:48 PM
4 Comments:
The quotes I used were from an earlier, similar story that I wrote down on a McDonald's napkin in my car...
Aw who gives a fuck. Accuracy smaccuracy, this is the friggin internets
"Smaccuracy" is an inschmaccurate spelling.
Even the friggin internets have standards, you know.
"NO REALLY, I HAVE A WIDE STANCE"
Those Russians got their fingers in lots of pies. D'oh! I can't avoid the double entendres.
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