Elliot Spitzer Blew It

Worst resignation speech ever!

ooooooh I'm leaving public life because of the hooker thing

oooooh, first I have to work on my private failings

ooooh, if I ever come back to to serve people it will be outside of politics

What a fucking chump. He's dedicated his life to public service? Phhffffft - $80,000 spread out over 10 years?!?! This man has dedicated his life to hookers and I, for one, wish he made that the centerpiece of his resignation speech.

If I was advising him I'd say - "Spittzie..." - - I'd be such a close personal advisor that I'd be the only one who'd call him Spittzie - - - "Spittzie," I'd say, "Leave your wife tell the people of New York that you paid for sex and you'll do it again, you'll have to do it again because wives don't like to fuck husbands who fuck hookers. Tell 'em all that they won't have Elliot Spitzer to kick around anymore...then establish residency in Vegas and run for Governor of Nevada."

He'd be guaranteed the hooker vote.

He could hold his State of the State address at the Bunny Ranch.

If somebody from the press dared to ask him what happened to his former First Lady he could respond "Look douche bag I got a First Lady, Second Lady, Third Lady a fucking Lady for every night of the week!"

And he'd be an unstoppable force if he could only find a running mate with the last name Swallows.

C'mon people, what red-blooded American wouldn't pull the lever for the Spitzer/Swallows ticket?