Where's My Hook?
Alex had a two day sleepover at our house and it’s been a fun weekend. Took the boys to see Everyone’s Hero - - - Alex’s idea.
He said: “Can we see the baseball movie, can we Dad, huh can we?!?”
At first he sounded so cute like Leave it to Beaver…except after taking two boys to this movie it cost like $40 bucks.
Fucking Ward had it so easy.
Ok, I’m sure June didn’t know what a blowjob was, but still $40 bucks for a movie, popcorn, candy and video games?!?!?
You feel totally fucked after that.
We played to our strengths Saturday nite. Kim set up the tent in the yard and had a fire going. I told the totally hackneyed hook guy story to Alex, Zack and Kim as the evening ended. It went a little something like this:
Me: Not long ago, not far from here, on a night like tonight a crazy criminal with a hook for a hand escaped from prison?
Alex: Why was he in prison?
Me: um, the police caught him stealing candy from a candy machine.
Zack: How did the police catch him?
Me: um, he got his hand stuck in the candy machine.
Alex: Is that why he had the hook? Did he have to cut off his hand like Aquaman?
Me: Sort of, Aquaman wasn’t stealing candy but…
Zack: How did he bust out of jail?
Me: He dug his way out with the hook.
Kim: Wait a minute honey. Are you trying to tell us that they allowed him to keep his hook while he was in jail? Don’t you think that would be the first thing they’d confiscate?
Me: Not necessarily, his lawyer in the plea agreement got the judge to let the crazy criminal keep the hook. His self esteem would be damaged if he had to serve out his sentence as a uni-dexter.
Zack: What happened to the candy?
Me: It melted all over his hook.
Kim: But he didn’t have the hook when he was stealing the candy. What gives?
Alex: Is the hook guy real?
Me: I wish he was. He could end Daddy’s pain.
Alex: That was a good story dad.
Me: Thank you.
He said: “Can we see the baseball movie, can we Dad, huh can we?!?”
At first he sounded so cute like Leave it to Beaver…except after taking two boys to this movie it cost like $40 bucks.
Fucking Ward had it so easy.
Ok, I’m sure June didn’t know what a blowjob was, but still $40 bucks for a movie, popcorn, candy and video games?!?!?
You feel totally fucked after that.
We played to our strengths Saturday nite. Kim set up the tent in the yard and had a fire going. I told the totally hackneyed hook guy story to Alex, Zack and Kim as the evening ended. It went a little something like this:
Me: Not long ago, not far from here, on a night like tonight a crazy criminal with a hook for a hand escaped from prison?
Alex: Why was he in prison?
Me: um, the police caught him stealing candy from a candy machine.
Zack: How did the police catch him?
Me: um, he got his hand stuck in the candy machine.
Alex: Is that why he had the hook? Did he have to cut off his hand like Aquaman?
Me: Sort of, Aquaman wasn’t stealing candy but…
Zack: How did he bust out of jail?
Me: He dug his way out with the hook.
Kim: Wait a minute honey. Are you trying to tell us that they allowed him to keep his hook while he was in jail? Don’t you think that would be the first thing they’d confiscate?
Me: Not necessarily, his lawyer in the plea agreement got the judge to let the crazy criminal keep the hook. His self esteem would be damaged if he had to serve out his sentence as a uni-dexter.
Zack: What happened to the candy?
Me: It melted all over his hook.
Kim: But he didn’t have the hook when he was stealing the candy. What gives?
Alex: Is the hook guy real?
Me: I wish he was. He could end Daddy’s pain.
Alex: That was a good story dad.
Me: Thank you.
posted by edP | 4:38 PM
5 Comments:
It's hard enough when little kids analyze, but when the wife starts looking for inconsistencies in your story - yikes!
That's why I try to stay in the bathroom as much as possible.
Remind me never to use you as a witnes in a trial. You will totally come apart in cross examination.
Also, I think Kinsey would have had a different opinion about June's knowledge of BJs.
Man, I want a hook.
I bet the guy with the hook didn't have two cats hijack his blog.
Ah, well. I s'pose the hook would be pretty rough when I'm doddering around the yard scratching my unmentionables.
The whole question of whether the hook would be allowed in the prison got me to thinking. Would the hook be allowed on an airline flight? After all, the TSA does allow:
"Up to 4 oz. of essential non-prescription liquid medications including saline solution, eye care products and KY jelly"
And then I started to wonder… what would June have to say about KY?
She'd say K-Why not...
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