Imperium Proconsulare Maius

…or why I am glad there ain’t an Augustus among us.

There is much to admire in a man like Augusts Caesar. I’m not going to try and impress you by giving you Papa Pax Romana’s full name. First of all I’m not that smart, and secondly I don’t know it.

Waitaminute.

There are many ways to compare us favorable and otherwise with the Romans. But I think they were very different creatures than you, me and most Americans we know. Sure, some of America’s founders quoted and admired the Cincinattuses, Publiuses (or is it Publi?), Ciceros, and Tacituses and these are surely giants in human history who I have pluralized with no good reason.

I’ve spoken at length about what the Romans thought virtue to be (and by Romans I mean pre-Christian, good and true pagan Romans) and how they would find much of what we (modern Western liberal democrats) admire to be without merit if not downright vicious. You may, from time to time, catch a whiff of my strange admiration for the classics – Greek and Roman – and even their departed notion of virtue. But when it comes down to Romans vs. Americans I think the Romans by far were the biggest dupes or more ready to be pleased, fattened and left more or less alone as handsome slaves so long as their living god kept them safe.

Americans, petty and vulgar though we are, are not so easily pleased. Let’s compare monumental (not in Nietzsche’s appropriation of the word) Roman history with something recent and probably soon forgotten in American history.

With Octavian’s defeat of Antony (some time after the Battle of Actium in 31 BC) Octavian was on his way to becoming Augustus, the man who would come to determine the fate of the Roman world and shape it for 200 years and beyond. He was given credit for finally bringing peace and stability to the Roman world and “restoring the Republic.” Everybody knew that Octavian didn’t restore shit – he installed himself. I’m sure many of the Romans knew what he did, or was doing. They’d rather keep the Republic in name only and hand it over to one guy so they could get on with their lives. They’d had a belly full of conflict (international and internal) and wanted to be done with it. If it meant being surrounded by one man who’d feed and protect them and that one man would pretend to “step back” accepting titles like princips and the somewhat sillier (although august for its time…sorry) “pontifex maximus.

Again there is much I admire about Augustus, especially his mind – or at least the way history has transmitted his mind to mine.

But there is a part of me that wonders if citizens of the American republic would go so quietly and accept the kind of “restoration” offered by an Octavian. Take today’s public accounting in the most numerous branch of our Congress. Sure the D’s were scrambling for votes. Sure both Ds and R’s who voted for the measure which includes a date for bringing troops home had their own agendas tied up in the pursuit and passage of the doomed measure.

Oh, and sure the measure is doomed. One of my friends at work said “So the House passed the bill. So what. It doesn’t matter. The president will veto it.”

To my ears that sounded like an un-American response.

When I told my wife that in Bush’s statement today he said something to the effect that the House ‘abdicated its responsibility by voting for a spending bill that has no hope of passage’…to which my sweet darling responded, “What an asshole.”

Now that’s American.

See we may not have the answer to anything but we are happy to say to those in power, “You suck” and mean it in an honest, if vulgar way.

Ok what the House did is not results oriented. It is more symbolic. It does not ‘bring our troops home’ or ‘take our government back’ but I have a greater sense that politicians and people alike are willing to stand up on Iraq and say in a responsible, American, limited way that the war may belong to one man but the government never will. The people who were meant to represent We the People most directly (or just directly) raised its collective hand and said whoa, whoa, whoa – you mr. president are going to be the one who will have to veto this spending bill. Say what you want, but here is our push back. It may be wimpy but it is not inconsequential.

We the American people and our people defend our republic much like those New York subway riders defended Spider-Man against Dr. Octopus in Spider-Man 2. You may remember that Spidey was limp on the floor of the subway after using every ounce of his strength in trying to stop the train. Doc Ock gets on the train and the train passengers stand around Spider-Man’s helpless body. One guy says “Ya want to get to him, ya gotta go thru us first.”

Then Doc Ock says “Very well” and parts the, now helpless crowd, with his mighty arms.

They weren’t able to save Spider-Man but they stood up at some point and did what they could.

By the way, Spider-Man was ultimately able to save himself. That is what men and things that are well-constituted do.

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Starting Pitching 5-man Rotation SOX vs. baby blue bears
Advantage Cubs: I made fun of the Lily and Marquis signings but they got close to what their market values are like it or lump it Kenny. I think, along with no less of a luminary than Marc Silverman, that Lily will surprise and I will go further and say Marquis will figure some things out along the way and pitch well. Nobody can go through what he did last year and not learn anything. I am not saying efforts by either of these guys translate into 18 win seasons and E.R.A.s below 4~ BUT they will acquit themselves well. This is more feeling than fact. I hope Prior falls on his fucking face because he and Kerry Wood represent all that sucked about the cubs organization and leadership through the krusty years. Kerry Wood does not belong in this part of the conversation because he will not be in this starting rotator…uh I mean rotation. But come on – if we are comparing the starting pitchers and say that one team has Mark Prior penciled in as competing for the 5th starter position vs the Sox with (hopefully) 67 John Danks, but also 40 Charlie Haeger the Horrible, and 34 Gavin Floyd (who I think gave up a grand slam today)…the advantage has to go to the former rather than the latter.

PLUS, even though I said the Sox had three potential Aces – ALL THREE HAVE BIG QUESTION MARKS in my book. I put Contreras as my #1 of #1s (although I liked Grant’s list too) – but if Contreras can get off to another quick start he can provide some stability and hopefully take some of the pressure off the other Sox. Grant’s right about 56 Mark Buehrle and the number of innings the man has thrown in the past three or four years. Also with Buehrle’s style of pitching – location is everything and he has not found it yet. Garland has proved everything he needs to prove to the baseball world as far as I am concerned, but his velocity is down this spring and there was even a downward trend in the middle of spring training when everything is supposed to be heading up.

Still I think Z will be the ace he is and show signs of being capable of fielding his position (although until he learns to field his position like #56 & #20 of the WhiteSOX he will never be the baseball player he thinks he is, or can be). I think the baby blue bears will get a lift from their free agent starters and to follow on MeatHead’s mantra, the cubs will not face the lineups the Sox will (esp Cleveland and even the fucking Twins) – medication may be necessary for my beloved SOX starters.

Go get ‘em boys, godspeed or at least some more speed on your fastball.

I shouldn’t say speed lest Barry Bonds thinks this is one of those medical blogs he is trolling through at 4:30am before he pulls down some midget porn from his favorites.

Sorry Bill Veeck.