Deadline

Junior is one of my all-time favorite baseball players. Having said that, I’d feel better about the SOX chances if they could somehow shanghais Justin Morneau.

Junior could work out on the South Side and he doesn’t have to play every day in center. I see some games where Ozzie starts either Swisher or Anderson in center… and that doesn’t mean Griffey is on the bench. They can rotate Junior in the outfield and use him as a sort of rotating DH.

All I know is FUCK RON GARDENHIRE! If ESPN radio local has that cocksucker on one more time, cancel my fucking subscription.

OK, I don’t subscribe to sports radio and don’t listen to as much of it anymore as I spend most of my free time oil speculating.

But fuck that prick.

Ozzie is right about one thing, he (Gardenhire) is one of the most underrated managers in baseball.

By the way, any Cub fans turning away from their team’s fantastic series against the Brewers don’t look at the Twins. And you sure as hell don’t want to see them in October…esp. with the AL having home field.

Twins/Cubs World Series is my second WS nightmare scenario. Just imagine me in my Fukudome jersey all ready to cheer your Cubbies to victory against a team in baseball I truly hate (and grudgingly respect) and it comes down to a Game 7 in the Garbage Bag Dome.

Honestly, I’d burn the whole shithouse down before it came to that!

After Years of Crop Dusting

…friends, bandmates, my wife, our son…I was crop dusted tonight and not the loveable, ‘Ooops I let out some stank on my way to get another beer’

I WAS CROP DUSTED BY AN ACTUAL FUCKING PLANE!

The 3^rd hole on South Pointe has a cornfield on the right. A plane much like this one, kept looping around, getting lower with each pass. Finally it was forty or so feet overhead (I can’t judge this shit by the way, so don’t trust my figures) and let loose some sorta spray over the row of corn closest to me.

Didya get any Onya?

Ok that was not the Weasels Ripped my Flesh “classic” but it’ll do.

None got on me, but I sure could smell the liquid-death-from-the-sky being sprayed. I shook my PW in the general direction of flyboy like one of those fake-ass uncontacted tribes and spewed unheard vulgarities heavenward.

Later, I hit one that landed in a coal car on a slow moving, passing train on the 6^th hole.

I’ll bet that one is still going.

Stressed Out Over

Over what? Over nothing, that's what.

I thought that this weekend I would get no writing done. We were supposed to go to a wedding for someone I don't even know on Fri and then all day bbq on Sat. Me, as usual my head so far up my ass that I can't see all that the Lord has given me.

Fri Kim was exhausted and a little sick. Since it was her friend's daughter we didn't go to the Friday wedding. The evening was well spent, Alex and I went to Star Worlds (the wonderfully cheesie old school arcade in my town). We killed aliens, and possibly Dave Mustane in the Area 51 game. I was even able to golf and write Friday night when everything pointed to edP leaving work and heading directly to dopey Friday nite wedding with unknown bride and groom.

Saturday my dear friend Nancy S hosted an awesome bbq and I had a blast. Wrote early before I left town and got everything set up for a good writing day on Sunday.

Alex played great with the kids there and I got em going with kick ball, baseball and a bunch of crazy beat on Alex's dad games. Plus I got to visit with Nancy and some old family friends...and my old family. Great time.

More good news, OD's brother-in-law booked us for a Friday (sometime in September) at Reggie's. Is Reggie's the uber-hip-hippest of all hipster rock venues? Probably not, but I hear good things. Excited!

Sunday, Fr. Godwin was our celebrant. His homilies never fail to bring joy to our Sundays. Came home and cranked out two decent pages, as good as anything I've written for MOI...golfed my ass off and followed baseball as I cut the grass.

Cubs are coming back and even tho my beloved SOX lost the 3rd game vs the Tigers, this is shaping up to be a great baseball weekend.

God is good.

My guitar lesson schedule is gonna be flipped around this week. My kids'll probably come over on Monday. Maybe I should conduct my guitar lessons more like this...I'm not sure how the boys' parents'll cotton to it, but I'll be more interesting to me.

Dye Dye Dye

Great SOX game last night. God Bless you Jermaine Dye...even tho you didn't sneeze. Sure the game was friggin' ugly but a win is a win is a win. Sure the SOX kicked it around the infield a little (they looked like the Tigers in the 06 WS) but they stole one in Comerica Park...whatever a Comerica is.

Sounds like some Commie shit if you ask me.

Lou P gets the line of the day when he said of a certain former Golden Domer's debut: "He got the pitch out sign right."

The Good Kind of Sore

Feeling great after the bD show last night. We didn't start until almost 11 but gigs like that are worth it. Not sure how we sounded to the audience, although they seemed to respond positively. I just felt locked in while we were doing our thing. That's why I do it.

Maybe the truth is I have become such boring fuck that many sit-around-at-grown-up-dinner-bbq-whatever conversations seem so played out for me and the only time I feel like I am communicating any worth anything is when I am playing guitar with my friends. It's possible that I have become or am becoming that kind of person. The only time this summer that I absolutely loved just hanging out and talking with a group of people was after the 1st bigDrag golf outing. I felt so physically satisfied after being out in the sun with my friends that I could relax and just shoot the shit with a group of people. Who knows the reason? It's all beyond me anyhow. It should be enough that I had fun last night. We played...

The Knucklehead Song
Hey Lucky/For Medicinal Purposes Only
The End of Everything
Sound
Dil
Middle of Nowhere
HFC@ Full on Gain
Understandable
London (yes, The Smiths' London)

The food drive part did not go off as planned because I barely got the gear over there and ate (and had the ceremonial pre-show glass of whiskey and bottle of beer) in time for shit to start happening. I need to be more organized if I want to do this kind of thing in the future. Thanks to the girls who did bring their cans...

Sorry ladies....

They will be part of some groceries my little crew takes over to the DK Food Pantry next week. In spite of the fact that all the members of the band simultaneously texted "FUCK YOU!" to a certain Liar formerly of DC a fun time was had by most.

And isn't that all you can ask for in these troubled times of ours?

Words of Comfort from Your Baron

Sons of Bitches! It is my sad duty to report that Frank Van Buer, Mayor of DeKalb (or as I like to call it..."Me Town") died today. I did not know the man as I have been dead for over 200 years but I'd like to think that if I met him I'd say something like 'Way to go d-bag. Who'da thought a guy could piss away 25 years of his life as an economics professor then do something useful? Well done Poindexter.' My final thoughts on the matter, before I go back to being dead myself...Say what you want about DeKalb's last mayor, his poor judgment, the graft, the tales of drunken debauchery...but Sparrow's liver outlasted Van Buer's pancreas. But what the fuck do I know? I only had my horse shot from under me, was shot three times myself and bayoneted repeatedly until I spewed enough obscenities to attract Cornwallis' attention, and he decided that he'd rather see me die at the hands of his personal surgeon than be run through by his filthy fucking Hessians...All so you dumb bastards can drink whiskey and cheap beer at the Annex, go see bigDrag Thursday at the House in Me Town and make fucking jokes about your dead king. Fuck me!

Oh...Henry Paulson

America, are we really counting on this guy to save us from the home mortgage crisis?!?!

Good and Evil Done Right

Kim and I saw the Dark Knight Friday and we were sufficiently blown away. Chris Nolan gets this big story, or understands it from a dorky fan-like-edP-and fake-ass-philosophy-guy point of view. The movie even did something interesting w/ the Joker's origin....I found it better than the numerous Joker origin stories I've read in the various Batman comics that come around from time to time.

Sat Kim & Alex were in the OF and I managed to play Buena Vista and South Pointe. Got me some exercise...and with Play It Again Sports' going out of business sale, I picked up a ton of cheap balls. I will be going back for more this week since I lost a bunch of balls on Sat.

D'oh!

July 20th, my boy saw his first White SOX loss to the Royals. We can land a man on the fucking moon but the SOX can't beat the Kansas City Royals?!?!?

It was a fun game. Crede with a 3 run dong and Swish with a two run blast...Thanks and much love to John and Janine for putting this whole day together. I am now a believer in the Green Line. Thanks for showing me the light JP.

Funniest moment was when Matt Thornton gave up a late inning double, plating two and giving the Royals the lead for good...some little kid behind us screamed, "I hate you Thornton!"

Ah, the young SOX fan...soon he will be leading his son down to the field to beat the everliving shit out of Tom Gamboa.

Blue Claws

Tonight was the last game of the Pinto League season for my boy and his pals. We hung out late at the Twins toasting the team and their coaches who did a phenomenal job. Thanks and much love to Coach Dennis, Coach Craig, Coach Trent, Coach Rick and the good people of the DK Park District.

DC Liar came to celebrate the end of the season and we also discussed some last minute OKB cover art shit. Fun fucking night and proof that once one becomes a dad you don't have to be a square...or at the very least you get the chance bring your friends down with you.

Alex and Finn killed a ton of video deer and even the lovely and talented Bill Garver made an appearance. He still can't believe some Japanese are diggin' on the I WANNA song.

Great night, but for me it was about baseball, friends, family, and America - four things that I love so much and I find are great gifts that help me glorify God Jehovah.

I will try to get my shit together and post some pics of the fantastic Blue Claws and their domination of the Pinto League.

Is 3-10 domination?

How did we ever win 3?

Sorry Bull Durham fans.

Truly it was a wondrous season and I am so grateful to the brothers Swaff for their guidance of our young men into this beautiful game. I mentioned Bull Durham and to be honest with these here internets, the end of the film may be one of my favorite movie endings of all time because of the Walt Whitman (or "disputed" Walt Whitman) lines about baseball...

"I see great things in baseball. It will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism, tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set, repair those losses and be a blessing to us."

Amen and amen again Mr. Whitman.

Play It Again or Not

Good bD rock practice. There may be one nice surprise at the gig next week and I for one am mildly excited about it.

Alex's team has its last game in the Pinto league tonight. I won't be able to take part in the post-game pizza shenanigans because there's a ton of crap that I have been putting off since before vacation...but I will be damned if I miss the game.

Pics coming soon of the boy's new mitt and the old catcher's mitt his even older old man picked up from Play It Again Sports during their fantastic 40% We Are Going Out of Business Again sale.

I Wanna

I WANNA!

It's all right here and ready for people to download for $0. Just remember, freedom ain't free. Hard copies of the record will be available at the bigDrag show Thursday July 24 at the House in D-Town U.S.A. At shows they will either be $5 or a can of food and I will have some sort of scanned receipts or disclosures on the I WANNA page as to how much $ and food is going to the DeKalb Food Pantry.

I don't want people to think I am pocketing the money or eating the dried beets myself.

Is it possible or desirable to can a beet?

Happy Bastille Day From Baron DeKalb

“You’re goddamned right the Baron is taking over this blog at least for one post to wish you bitches, pimps and hoes and gypsies, tramps and thieves a happy Bastille Day. Now let’s all drink a non-Flemish Budweiser in honor of the day that France surrendered to its own prisoners!”

Chula Talking to Me

I'd say I missed the blog but who am I crappin'...I know what I am thinking at all times. It is the rest of the internet that missed me right?

Well I bet Ted Stevens missed me.

For now I just threw up some random pics from our trip to the Chula Vista (view of Chula?). Thanks and much love to Al and Judi for throwing one hell of a party and extra love and thanks to Kim and Judi for planning things.

I bitch about vacation because I am a cantankerous fucker at heart but this is the first time since Alex was born that I did not have to work for six consecutive days and it was amazing. I love my job, don't get me wrong but this was sweet.

The first pic of KJ was taken right after I showed her the pic of Alex blasting away with his boss tattoo.

I am the luckiest bastard in the world because that girl has stayed marriaged to me for ten years. Believe me, she needed a vaycay after a decade spent with me.

Too Many Juleps

Great 4th... Thanks and much love to my Dad for coming over and fixing the Honda mower. Now my grass is grass, and my ass is the lawnmower. Ok, technically my lawnmower is the lawnmower. Love ya Pops. Also, thanks and much love to the O'Garvities for hosting some wondrous festivities. Literally, we sipped mint juleps and toasted this stupid nation of ours. Proof once again that hanging out with the DC Liar is like being at the Kentucky Derby all the time.

100 proof.

So julepified that I left the bar car somewhere in Bill's neighborhood for two days. But the juleps also helped me get an excellent night's sleep and I was on the golf course by 7am Sat. There is a dark side to golfing in the beautiful dewsparklin' (spelling? Jeanz? James Joyce? anyone?)...morning. The ball left dew trails on the greens when I putted and several of the greens looked like my geometry homework from sophomore year.

Sorry Mrs. Mitchell.

Saturday was spent in the OF and a wonderful time was had. I forgot that I had to go to the South Side, so at the party on the 4th I kept shootin' off my mouth and I told everyone we should go see the Hulk on Sat.

Damned juleps.

Kim's aunt visited from Cali (no one calls it that anymore do they...) and I love talking to her. She and her family opened their home several times to Kim & I. Little too much sitting around and partying the past coupla days so by late Sat nite I was itching to split.

Action day with the boy on Sunday. I went to early Mass and did some practical crap when I got back. Once Alex and his mom came home, the boy and I went to the golf course where he drove the cart more than half the time. We went swimming, cruised around listening to David Bowie, cursed the Lost Mines for being closed when we wanted to play House of the Dead, hooked up with Josh at the Incredible Hulk, saw the Hulk smash everything, and went to Twins to first eat grilledcheesechickenanddoubleburger then kill video deer.

Great fucking day, and really great fucking holiday weekend.

Flashing back to Saturday, I think DC Liar's late afternoon Saturday post summed up the whole thing:

"Too many juleps."

Too many juleps indeed Liar, too many juleps indeed.

ajusted will be shut down for the remainder of this week for scheduled edP maintenance. Family vaycay on Canada's South Side...

Wisconsin

Until I return feel free to amuse yourselves by watching Little Richard talk about Jimi Hendrix. This interview is funny as shit.

Go Commando

In honor of the birthing of our nation the Old Kishwaukee Band has released (to MySpace only which is just the sort of virtual nation our nation deserves)...

GO COMMANDO, four seminal (sp? Jeanz? Ron Jeremy? somebody??) tracks only available as downloads or upchuckloads if you prefer.

These spoogie-esque tracks being... 1. Go Commando 2. Raging Moon 3. Sycamore Get Ready to Blow (originally titled "Go Commancho" sorry KJ) 4. Prelude to Outro (sorry to our nation)

Actual hard , disc-y copies of the first album I WANNA, with a real cool cover by DC Liar may be available to people who bring cans of food to the House - DeKalb, IL on July 24th. BigDrag will play a rock show because now and for the foreseeable future, the true musical force behind the OKB prefers to be a more fit looking Brian Wilson...

Which is cool with me.

But bigDrag is finalizing details (I gotta e-mail this guy) about playing a show at the House and there will probably be a write up somewheres about the Old Kishwaukee Band's debutt, I WANNA and how if you wanna get a copy you can only have one by donating (or chucking if you're a dick) a can of food at the House on July 24th. It is a Thursday but what better day of the week to trade food for shit I say.

Enjoy the e-lease of Go Commando and for the love of all that's holy, let's try to go back to work on Monday with all our fingers and toes and other appendages in some semblance of tact.

That is all.

Rox

Good practice tonight. It sucked missing last week but some crap came up. We've been playing well as of late and not missing too much practice time. A show has come our way and we may be rewarded for our dilligence and actually get to play live.

There are only a few things better in this life than when the rock band is locked in and playing live. I don't think I need to list them here.

Good job SOX! Sweep that damned squadron from Cleveland. And good job Cubs, looks like a single by someone just drove in two more runs and the boys in Blue are winning 5-2 and Edmunds just walked.

Tired now.

Cubs Can Have Cliff Lee Too

Great SOX game tonight.

But hello Cubs, can you take Cliff Lee too? The guy is a cocksucking, motherfucking nightmare for SOX fans.

All due respect to Mr. Lee. He pitched a great game and my hat would be off to him iffin' I could find it.

Where is that damned hat?

Great job in the 10th boys. That was a game that just a few weeks ago, the SOX would have lost. Awesome pitching from John "Not Stanky" Danks and no offense. Like I said...less than three weeks ago, that's a sure "L" on the schedule...

Tonight?

A fantastic finish.

Everybody sing!

OK the beginning sucks but ya gotta admit part of it is catchy...like the kind of crabs you can only get somewhere below Bridgeport.

Ewwww...

Two favorite parts of the Cub game tonight...

Seeing one of my favorite SOX from the late 90's and the early aughts (sp? Jeanz? William McKinley? Teddy Roosevelt? anybody!) Ray Ray play second and scamper around the bases...and seeing Eric "I May Actually Be Stupider than my Brother" Patterson at the dish with a logo-less helmet. That's right, the famous red & white "C" against the blue field was gone. Bob and Len correctly pointed out that Patterson was out of uniform but the Giants were probably not going to protest the game.

I've got this image in my head of Pinella ripping the sticker off going, "Gimme that C you lousy, no-good punk! You can have a letter when you earn it. You're lucky I don't staple the phrase 'Player to Be Named Later' to your head! Now get out there and try not to fall down Shirley!"

Cub Fans to Cheer for SOX?

If they know what's good for them, that is exactly what they will do...at least for the beginning of this week.

Why?

Well, if the Good Guys in Black sweep the Indians and turn Chief Wahoo into Chief Boo Hoo, then I think the Indians become a seller.

What do they have to sell?

They have an unsignable (not an actual word but this is baseball so just pretend I'm Casey fucking Stengal)....they have an unsignable, but truly awesome pitcher in the oversized form of one Carsten Charles Sabathia.

Why would the Cubbies want a guy named Carsten?

No offense to anyone but upon acquiring Mr. Carsten Charles Sabathia, Mr. Carlos Zambrano instantly becomes the best, and highest paid #2 pitcher in baseball.

The Cubs would be doing my beloved SOX a big time favor taking ole C.C. out of the AL Central. He has bewitched and bewildered the team I love for too long. Hear me now and believe me later, Sabathia will kick major ass for the Cubs and probably punch their ticket to and through the playoffs (what happens in October is not for me to say, I've only predicted that the Cubs will MAKE the W.S.). The bottom third of most NL lineups will be like a lunch break for Sabathia after facing some of the best hitting in baseball night after night toeing the rubber for Cleveland.

Make that a smoke break, CC is already fat enough. No one wants Sabathia and Zambrano to become the 2008 Cubs' answer to the Reuschels.

Incidentally, Paul Reuschel put in some time with the Tribe.

Wouldn't C.C. look great in those glasses?

Hopefully the SOX hold up their end and dash any remaining hopes the Indians have at salvaging their season. And Cubs organization please remember the Indians are not the Pirates. They are an actual team and not some meth lab posing as a team that you have all the evidence you need to put them away for a long long time...

They will expect actual players in a trade for one of the best pitchers in baseball, so try to offer them more than Corey and Eric Patterson's legally blind third cousin and a faded cum-towel with the "C" logo on it.

That is all.