Cookie in Collections

1. Pay Cookie's vet bill
2. Check rest of the bills
3. Return Sea of Thunder
4. Follow up with Brian


I did not pay Cookie's bill. I hope she does not go into collections. I checked out the rest of the bills so we don't go into collections and everything looks good on that front. I still haven't returned Sea of Thunder so I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a library fine in my future.

I contacted Brian and that really was the most important thing on the list. Making sure the website is updated and ready to go is a nice step towards being ready for whatever comes next. Not having something creative to do next is not a fucking option. My shit situation on the music front hasn't affected my at home drinking yet. I am keeping that shit under control, but my going out drinking, I'm scared to find out what will happen if I am out in polite company for more than two hours and not doing something productive. I am going to try and avoid that until I get my shit together.

Saturday is the Cougars game but I should be ok unless they start serving whiskey at the ballpark. Just have to make it until Friday this week and keep myself to one glass of the brown medicine with chicken and that will be good enough for now.

List and Then Some

1. Pay Property Tax
2. Get cash for Aldi
3. Do grocery shopping
4. Pick Up dry cleaning
5. Return Sea of Thunder
6. Contact Brian B


I did most of the stuff on my list except the dry cleaning pick up and returning Sea of Thunder. Ok, I did about half the list. In my defense, when I got home from work Kim added a bunch of shit to the list.

My mom called. Great Aunt Helen passed away yesterday. The last of her mom's siblings is gone. We were never that close with any of the Malakers but still sad.

Stupid SOX win again, this time in comeback fashion against the Twins. Even though my favorite sports team of all time has made me want to puke with frustration this year, it's been fun seeing them hand it to the Twins on multiple occasions this season.

Played some euchre as a family, then Alex and I finished the John Ford documentary.

Late Night Medicine Run

Up late getting medicine for the boy. He had a painful flare up in his bad ear. The good news is my son was doing a heck of a lot better by the time I left for work. Me, I was tired but strangely refreshed going back to work after a fabulous vacation.

Assessed the mild to moderate battle damage done to our family car,got an oil change and brake job...

OK, I guess that wasn't real battle damage. That stuff had to be done. The only real "damage" came when a rock flew up from behind a chicken truck and put a small crack in the windshield. Easily fixed...by someone else.

Yellowstone

Sunday August 21 Somewhere in the Black Mt Hills of Dakota

Our Wild West adventure got off to a late start. Well, we we only left an hour and a half late which is early for us. We drove 13 hours with only a few bathroom breaks. Kim made popcorn, salad, zucchini brownies and all manner of stuff to make the ride fun.

We listened to the first three discs of Sea of Thunder. Bull Halsey was one crazy sonuvabitch and made one hell of a mistake. Is it wrong that all these years later I am fascinated by Admiral Ugaki. It is a perverse fascination, and I don't mean all those years later in the sense that I followed his career during WWII. I am not that f'in old. I mean...aw, skip it for now.

The last two hours of the drive, through darkness in the Black Hills were the only mild drag of the whole trip. The lights of Rapid City, SD @ 10:15pm were welcome lights indeed.

Checked into the Microhotel, ate a burger in a disoriented, Hasslehoffian fashion (even though I was sober) then passed out.


Monday August 22

Slept in and slept hard @ the Rapid City Microhotel. A fat man showed me the proper way to use the hospitality waffle iron. Ate waffles and watched CNN's useless montage of people jumping up and down in Tripoli. I'm glad that I am taking a week of following the news, but I miss the PBS Newshour. It's not that I am a fucking snob either, it's because I'm pretty fucking stupid. I need people talking, anchors talking to experts and giving me some context, considering unresolved issues and some thoughts on what might be coming next. All picture news gives me is a loud mouth bimbo asking some inane questions to a random douche on the street of wherever the action is, asking the douche 'how do you feel, describe the scene around you" then adding a one word adjective response for emphasis, finally telling viewers to go to her facebook page to tell her what we think.

On the recommendation of one of my coworkers we went to Bear County USA where bears walked up to our damned car. They are amazing creatures and I am proud that I did not shit myself. I also learned that arctic wolves are lazy bastards.

Mt. Rushmore was next. I've got to teach Alex the difference between Teddy Roosevelt and Harry S. Truman and that's all I have to say about that. I know it's been said before by commentators smarter and more poetic than me, but I love that Mt. Rushmore is and looks like an unfinished work, and not for the same reasons late progressives and those of their ilk - some find meaning in the monument being unfinished because America has a way to go before it fulfills all its promise and lives up to its ideals. I like thinking of it as unfinished because all regimes, even the best ones are unfinished. The work of man, even shit worth doing like making this great, imperfect land of ours almost always remains unfinished.

Drove through a large part of Wyoming where it is big and brown, desolate and wondrous with intermittent sunflower fields.

At about 6:30pm we saw the Big Horn Mts in the distance.

"Those mountains are bigger than Chicago," I said - knowing instantly how stupid I was for saying such a thing.

Kim said, "Honey there are a lot of things bigger than Chicago."

Like the Grand Tetons - YES!

sorry

As we approached the mountains I looked down at the GPS and it said it would be at least 4 1/2 hours before we reached our destination.

I asked my lady, “Where is the hotel for tonight?
“Powell, Wyoming.”
“And where is Powell my love?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is Powell on this side of the mountains?”

She looked at the big ass atlas (we still have one so the boy can see where we are)

Kim said, “Powell is on the other side of this stretch of the Big Horn Mountains.”
“So we are driving through these big ass mountians after dark,” I said like the worried boob I am.
“Big Horn Mountains,” said Alex laughing.
"We’re going to drive through the Big Horn Mountains at night?”
“It looks like it sweetie,” said Kim.

OK then.

Dusk fell on the mountains as we ascended. That’s not an attempt at poetry as it is exactly what happened.. I’m a shitty, shakey driver. The only mountains I’ve ever traversed at night were the Catskills and those were pimples compared to the Big Horns. Thank goodness it was pitch dark before we were even half way up the damned things. It has been said I don’t know which way is up the hill. That prophecy was fulfilled during this car ride.

We had perfect weather until we started driving in these inspiring and fucking scary mountains. Thunderless lightening ripped across the black mountain sky (not to be confused with Black Mountain Side, Back Mountain Side or White Summer)

I now understand why people like to get high in the mountains. Streaks of yellow and white light across an expanse of darkened nothingness at this altitude is some pretty cool shit.

Then I almost hit a herd of cattle as they were crossing a narrow pass. Ok there were only four sets of legs and one giant pair of balls but that constitutes a herd for this non-range riding dumbass.

Or is it "an herd"

Yeah, that's why I am a non-range riding dumbass.

A mile further down the road there was a warning sign indicating that this section of the road was in an "Open Range Area" and motorists should "Beware of Loose Stock and Roaming Animals"

"The cows should be grazing after this sign," I said.
"Cows can't read Dad."

The boy had a point.

A little further up the mountain another sign read, "Road Damage, Next 6 Miles"

Now this mountain road wasn't all that hot the first several miles into the drive, but the sign was right. Things got a fuck of a lot worse over the next six miles. First the guard rails disappeared, then the yellow line disappeared, then a fox ran right at our vehicle. I slowed down significantly after losing the yellow line so there was plenty of time to stop. We hadn't seen a car in awhile either so there was no need to worry about traffic coming up behind us.

Then we lost the road entirely. It was just plants and rocks and things. GPS said we were still on Alt 14 but for all I knew we were just driving straight up the mountain.

Road damage persisted for about ten miles after the first six miles of bad road. But the last ten were not quite as bad as the first six so that was something. Then began the descent. We knew there'd be a lot of going down

NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS

but we could tell that we were heading down the other side after seeing signs that read, "Steep Grade Next Two Turns" and "Use Lower Gear" and "Runaway Truck Ramp." It was the last sign that made me wonder 'If a runaway truck is coming down the mountain behind us, what the hell are we supposed to do?' Then I started looking for Runaway Rav4 signs.

There was probably no danger coming from a runaway truck on this road at night. In fact since we began driving up the mountain I counted five cars coming from the other side and the only car following us pulled into a mountain resort about half way up the the Big Horns.

Apparently no tourists or locals or anyone were taking this narrow stretch of mountain road after dark...save a few cows, a confused fox and the Posegas on vacation.



Tuesday Aug 23

We spent the night in Powell, WY.

Why not?

It was the most western-looking Super 8 this side of the Pecos. OK, I'm not 100% sure which side of the Pecos we were on, suffice it to say this Super 8 provided a better western motif than any of the Best Westerns I have visited over the years. I say that without hesitation.

Drove through Cody and it was amazing and cheesy all at once. Now that's America in a nutshell.

Made it to Yellowstone's East Entrance before noon. Took a ride through different parts of the south loop and West Thumb that we wanted to visit tomorrow. It was a smart strategy because there was so much to see, we needed to begin cobbling together some semblance of a plan. We took a stroll along Yellowstone Lake then visited the some of the West Thumb Geysers nearest our campground in the Grant Village. Set up camp and Alex was a big help even though he cut himself twice on the same lodge pole pine while gathering kindling.

We had no idea what we were doing but we were having great fun. Kim made sloppy joes for our first night in the forest. I used the propane grill for cooking and we did not explode. Got all that stuff put away before we thought about building a regular fire. We attended a ranger campfire program about the best places to see wildlife in our portion of the loop There are two loops in this wondrous place and we are in what is called the Southern Loop. South Side all the way, even in our nation's first national park.

That's how we roll.

It's probably the wrong way to roll, but what're ya gonna do?

Got back late and we were too tired to build campfire. Big mistake. It got down to 44 degrees overnight, warm by Yellowstone at night standards, but some pretty chilly shit by Posegas in a tent standards.

We are doing the best we can at an elevation of 7,700 feet.



Wed August 24

Woke up cold but happy in our little tent. Saw Old Faithful then visited and took pictures of many more geysers and cool geothermal shit. The cracked earth, the smoke, the stink all reminded me of places I've lived after too many parties with too many pals.

Sorry Hank Williams

wha?

The number one place on Kim's mental list of places and things she wanted to see in Yellowstone was the Grand Prismatic Spring located next to the Excelsior Geyser (I think....there are so many damned miracles of nature in this joint it's hard to keep 'em straight). At the Grand Prismatic Spring there were colors and sensations I never thought I'd experience all at once standing next to rocks, water, smoke and wind. Colder winds from the mountains behind the springs came across the boiling water, sometimes bringing a refreshing breeze, sometimes bringing enough heat to open and stimulate every bit of skin on our faces, and sometimes the winds brought the noxious odor of brimstone churning just beneath the Earth's crust in this amazing place. So much of what we saw around that pool was shorthand for the Yellowstone experience, everything is beautiful and everything is dangerous.

Got held up by a bison related traffic jam on the way back to our digs in Grant Village. That's ok, we love being near these magnificent creatures even if there were two bulls fighting on the side of the road and the thuds were getting louder. Kim and Alex both got some great pictures here.

As soon as we reached the campground Alex wanted to call both sets of grandparents to describe his first full day in the park. Kim and I thought that would be fine. This is the vacation he suggested, we should let him tell some of the stories first. Kim and I got stuff out for the dinner. My lady made baked mostacholi and it was fabulous. I went down to the friendly folks at the Grant Village General Store/Service Station and got more ice to repack the coolers.

After the dinner stuff was put away, Alex and I built a big campfire. I bought firewood from the store earlier and we used a little newspapers, some pieces of the box that held the firewood and the kindling Alex gather to start a big ol' fire. We played cutthroat euchre (or Dirty Clubs as some folks call it where I am from) and warmed ourselves by the campfire until it was bedtime. Kim bundled herself up significantly before bedtime going as far as wearing Alex's alpaca Blackhawks hat to keep her sweet ears warm.

GO HAWKS!

GO CAMPING!

Super fun day.



Thursday Aug 25

Intermittent thundershowers throughout the night, but our little tent held up just fine. I was up at 6am but my little crew was still sleeping, probably due to the almost gentle sound of thunder and rain bouncing softly off the tent (and not our heads).

Loving being sober here in Yellowstone. Haven't had a drink since last Friday and don't miss it a damn bit. It's easy to stay straight surrounded by all this.

Everybody woke up about 7am and we made our way to the Hayden Valley. Two major bison jams on the way. Alex took some great action shots of adults and there were a few super cute red dogs (that's the nickname for their young) mixed in with the herd. Alex got some more pics of elk, random bison and some weird goat-thing (pronghorn sheep?) roaming around. Then in the Hayden Valley we spotted bears for the first time. We were high on a ridge and a mama grizzly with two cubs were down by the river a safe distance from us. We talked to the other two groups who stopped on the ridge to shoot pictures. They looked more experienced at this woodsy stuff than us, and these folks confirmed the bear was definitely a mother grizzly with cubs.

Kim said, "I've seen bears at the zoo and we saw them in South Dakota close up, but to see them out here..."

She didn't need to finish that sentence. Alex and I understood and felt the same. There is something indescribable about seeing wild animals in a place where they are just being wild animals. A few more groups stopped to photograph the bear action. Now, as I an prone to do, while everyone is looking in one direction, I take a moment to study all the other shit that is around us It's the one thing I am sort of good at in this life, the ability to not be completely part of a group when it is string at something without looking to see what the hell else is happening.

On the ridge 20ft or so below us, a pair of ears perked up...then a light brown head. A coyote climbed out of his hiding spot and watched these bears running across the valley floor. Unlike the stupid humans, the coyote acted like he'd seen bears before because he wasn't taking pictures every 15 seconds like the rest of us.

Our next stop was Yellowstone Canyon and we hiked along the South Rim. Alex and Kim took photos of the falls. I just prayed that we weren't gonna fall. I am kind of a wimp when it comes to walking on a trail that high up with canyon on one side and potentially bear filled wilderness on the other side. But no one was eaten and no one ended up canyon pizza. That's a win win for us.

Multiple bison related delays (not to be confused with Bison Dele) as we explored the Lamar Valley. On the way, the boy and I crossed a narrow part of the Gibbon Rive on a fire damaged tree that had fallen and did several short jaunts on the way, too numerous to be mentioned here...but they were all wonderful.

Our last long stop of the day was at the Artist Paint Pots and mud pits. There murky depths and bubbling/gurgling action mat have been more impressive than the geysers we saw. These things were just so weird and they made wacky fart noises. So cool...The sounds, the viscous mud belching out and splatting on nearby rocks, the stink all full of wonder and mystery. How the hell does something like this exist on earth? I'm just glad we stopped here. A legally blind fly fisherman from Ann Arbor and his wife told us we were close to this spot and it was one of their favorites. They've been coming to the park for over 40 years and thought it was a must see. The guy was also a cigar dealer and told me about cigars that go great with the Templeton Rye.

I filed that bit of information in the old brain.

This couple was just one example of folks we met in the park. Everyone was so cool, and happy to be there. They shared their knowledge with you and didn't talk down to you, even if you were rookies like us.

Brats, PBR, campfire and cards when we returned to Grant Village. Then we slept hard. It was a long, beautiful day and we were dog-ass tired.



Friday Aug 26

Our last morning in the park. We took one more drive through the Hayden Valley and it all seems like a dream thinking and writing about it now. When we decided it was time to head back across the South Loop and make our way to the East Entrance/Exit the three of us had tears in our eyes.

Best vacation ever, and the most fun I've ever had with my clothes on.


Sat August 27

We drove 13 hours to Rapid City and avoided the more treacherous mountain route we encountered on the trip to Yellowstone. Lousy big-ass Big Horn Mountains at night. They think they are so big, and they are. It was a small consolation for leaving the beauty of Yellowstone that are drive away from the miraculous place was more scenic, had fewer cattle roaming aimlessly and we were now traveling on a road that was mostly there.

Ordered a glass of Jameson and a big ol burger at the restaurant next to our hotel. Read one sentence of my book and passed out.



Sunday August 28

Yesterday we left Rapid City, SD at 9:30am and made it back to DK Slow-pid City by 11:30pm. We made a few stops but I was able to do about 80mph most of the way. Love them open roads of SD and MN on an aimless Saturday afternoon.

Alex and I spent Sunday morning cleaning out the family vehicle. We figured Kim planned the trip and organized where everything should go, the least we could do was unpack and put stuff away the best we could. We are all in a good place after our vacation.

I was a little bummed that I had to pull out of my golf outing with Messrs Lenz and Swafford but I could not stick Kim and Alex with all this work.

Went to 9pm Mass at Newman and the whole family gave thanks to God for safe travels and giving us a world full of beauty and wonder.

Zing

Is it wrong to admire Rick Perry because he looks like he could kick my ass?

Dinner with our friends the Smiths @ Twins tonight. I'm still not convinced we should get rid of the post office but I'm willing to listen to arguments fer and against.

Thanks and much love to the friendly bar staff at my favorite little tavern for realizing the 2nd Bloody Mary needed a little more zing.

Definitely Not Sticky

Decided I never want to have a fast food french fry again. We'll see if I stick to that shit. It's hard to stick to any resolution involving fast food french fries. They are so delightfully greasy and definitely not sticky.

Wha?

Work was fun and felt like it only lasted five minutes. Love days like that. So much paperwork and weird shit to get off my desk before I go off to the wilderness to die. I don't think I'm being melodramatic. Kim and I haven't been camping in over ten years, we've never taken the boy camping, we plan on camping in Yellowstone and our spot is kind of in an out of the way place - a quick death is probably the most merciful of all possible options.

Came home for a quick lunch then rode my bike back to the office. The work day always goes much better if you can squeeze a little exercise in there...somewhere.

Alex and I drove back to the South Side and brough back the mother-in-law's dog. Nice visit with Kim's p's. Grandma J is still worried about Alex going to Yellowstone. So cute...Al is worried about our sense of direction so he loaned us the GARMIN.

Did not watch all or most of the WhiteSOX 14 inning victory over Cleveland. I still managed to see a lot of runners left on base. They looked so lonely out there.

The Deepest Part of a Band Box

Saturday August 13 Raining Flowers

SOX lose to Bruce Chen again last night. Why can't he go back to Atlanta or one of the other nine teams that has found him sub-standard over the last twelve years? I hate when journeymen make my beloved WhiteSOX look like crap. It's bad enough when they lose to the good teams.

I can't stay mad at the SOX. John, Janine, Kim, Alex and I had a swell time on the South Side tonight. Alex's first rain delay. Our friends got seats in the last row that offered cover from the rain.

Peavy did ok. He had one bad inning, right around the 70 pitch mark. They pulled him and after another rain delay, the SOX scored and the relievers did their job. Had a great view of all the insane arm angles of one Chris Sale. I know why Joe Mauer said what he said about the kid, even tho a "great view" is nothing like stepping into the box against the guy.

Paulie hit a home run. I think he's homered in every game Alex's attended with the exception of the Crede grad slam game in 2006. But even in that game, I think it was Paulie that drove in the first run. I could check Baseball Almanac, but why? I don't need to do that to know Paulie is one of the best WhiteSOX players I have ever seen and certainly has performed at a high level every time the boy and I have gone to the park. That's wonderful all by itself.

Tyler Flowers hit his first major league home run, a monster shot to the deepest part of the park! I know SOX park is a band box, but even a band box can have a deep part...relative to the band box as a whole. It was the least bandy part of the whole...uh, box

...but you should see her wrestle

Adam Dunn did not play. He was away from the team attending the funeral of his uncle. I wonder if the uncle's initials were OPS? That's terrible. I'm terrible. We all knew that, right?

Got back super late. It was a long day of hanging out, having fun but not doing too much writing (which is probably better for the world, but bad for me)

Saw Karl and some friends from work at Rosita's. Good to see Schusteroo. Maybe it's bad for the world when I am not writing. Hung out all day, drank just enough to keep the motor in my damn fool mouth running until I am sure that he folks at the restaurant and our friends at the ball park heard my every damned thought on every damned thing and resisted the urge to fucking kill me.


Sunday August 14 Five Foot Guy

Made it to 10:15am Mass and that was my great accomplishment today.

SOX win and take two out of three from the stinkiest or second to stinkiest team in the division. This time they scored a bunch of runs early and then added to their lead at a key moment later in the game. I'd say it was a turning point in the season but there have been a lot of turning points for the SOX this year. Every time they hit .500 things turn again and everything is pointing down. I'll keep watching for whatever it is this team is going to do.

We measured Alex and he is taller than the beautiful, wall decoration Aunt Tracey gave us when the boy was still the Squirt. Today our son came in at well over 5ft tall. As soon as Captain Fantastic realized he was over 5ft he immediately wanted to play hoops. Great fun playing hoops with the boy.

Later Kim and I took a nice bike ride. Heading south on 4th St everything was fine. It was a little windy on the way back. Hey, a big, stupid windbag like me deserves to have wind blowing in their face.


Monday August 15 Please Hit Me

All these Cubs coming out now and talking about how Z intimidated the whole clubhouse because of his physical presence makes me think this era of cub players from about 2004 to the present are even more gutless and stupid than I could possibly imagine.

I have never been the biggest, toughest guy in any room at any point in my life and I am sure I have worked or been in a bar with tons of guys and probably some women who could kick my worthless ass on a moment's notice...and I have never been afraid of a goddamned one of them. Why? You get hit or you don't, you fall down or you don't, you sue or you don't - and if I am working with a guy who has a contract worth $91 million and I am a professional baseball player in somewhat good condition and have my own high priced legal representation - PLEASE HIT ME IF I ASK YOU TO BE A BETTER TEAMMATE!

As bad as Z beat Barrett, the sub-moronic former cub catcher didn't look that much worse in the aftermath. He went to San Diego and the only reason he didn't play much after leaving the Cubs is...he sucked, not because Z beat the good baseball out of him. In Barrett's case, that would be impossible.

Sports an politics are my celebrity news and there is a pathetic little part of me that loves nonsense like Z's abhorrent behavior - but when grown-ass men who are supposed to be professional ballplayers, real competitors who have scratched and clawed to reach elite status (even being a cub means you have achieved something with your baseball talent) when these guys wait until the bully is gone to say what a bad guy he was or how he intimidated everyone I can't help but think worse of Sorriano and that crowd...and I thought that was impossible.

Biking and Not Thinking

Noon Bike Riding Observation #1 - When riding through DeKalb and semi-hot mom slows down her Element with Coldplay coming from the speakers (thus making her less attractive by the moment) you’ve probably just rode past a garage sale and she is not checking you out.

Tons of shit came through work today. I didn’t have minute to stop and think. That’s a good thing. As Moe Howard once told me, “Every time you think you hurt this nation.” Maybe he said that to Shemp, I forget.

Thinking about certain things these days can get one unnecessarily worked up. I think I know why I have become persona non grata in so many different places at different times in my life. I’m not a good at commiserating, and commiserating and complaining make up a lot of normal, decent conversation. I’m not saying I am above complaining. Those who read these posts know I bitch about a great number of things. But in these forums folks always have the opportunity to click off the page or close the book whenever they please.

Now might be a good time for that.

Apes Will Rock

Struggled through my last two days of no drinking. Two things got me through 1) Taking Alex to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes 2) Killer knock out food at the end of the day from our friends at the Chinger.

Regarding the monkey picture - the best part about the whole damned thing is that it never forgot what it was, a summer action movie where monkeys begin to take over the world. The movie says to you 'OK you know you know these stories and have seen them in a thousand other movies. Scientist with good intentions doesn't realize the fatal flaw with his miracle cure in time to stop bad things from happening....evil money guy manipulates things and can't see they are dealing with forces beyond their control...the love story...'

Once you work through all the shit and tolerate some of the two dimensional human characters, then comes the sentience and rise of Caesar and that is, by far the coolest part of the picture. Yes, belief must be suspended when Caesar frees monkeys from a local zoo and they storm the Golden Gate Bridge in a desperate attempt to make a new life, a new planet if you will in the Redwood Forrest.

The boy and I willingly suspended our belief and had a damn fine time at the movies.

His Regression is Depressin'

Took the day off so Alex and I could go down to Peoria with Mom. Productive meeting and the little family had a nice ride together. Made it back to town just in time to take Alex to trumpet practice. I bopped over to registration and records and got an unofficial, unsealed copy of my transcript. Now 99.9% of the paperwork is together for the state license.

Phil Humber has finally realized he is Phil Humber and is getting his shit knocked around by teams both good and bad. The O's are about as bad of a team as you can find in the AL and they put a hurtin' on the SOX starter.

His regression to the mean is depressing.

Brian Bemis Buggery

...in fact they give buggery a bad name, not quite as bad as Bon Jovi, but pretty damned bad.

Today Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb offered us a new low in shameless avarice and opportunism...even for a car dealership. Kim and I love our Rav4. Recently we noticed that it is difficult to put one of the middle seats in the down position and move it at the same time. Kim, the smart shopper in our family, is always leery of the dealership and rightfully so. I know they’ve tried to give us a royal dicking every other time we’ve reached out to them, but this thing with the seat seemed to be such an easy fix.

I won’t waste time with all the details of previous fuckery we've suffered at the hands of Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb I’ll limit myself to one example from right after we bought the car and then the shenanigans from today. We love our Rav4 (I’ve said that again, but it bears repeating since we are willing to give the damned fools at Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb multiple chances to perform their own brand of commercial buggery on us)...a few months after we bought our vehicle Kim backed over something and bent the bumper slightly. We heard a rattling noise after that. Since the car was new, I wanted to have it looked at by the folks who sold it to us so we took it to our friends at Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb. Actually it was Kim who took it in and when she did the first words out of the service station manager’s mouth was, “Lady what is your deductible? This could easily be over $800 because the part that is bent needs to be replaced and so does the assembly housing of the tailpipe.”

...and made up some other terms in the hopes of convincing Kim that we should hand over $800 to these cumswilling chumps. They were wrong. We took it to Illini Tire and the owner hit it a few times with a mallet, it looked stable and it didn’t make the rattling noise. It's driven great for all these years. I thanked our friend, we talked about golf and they charged us nothing.

At Brian Bemis Sycamore/DeKalb they probably could not figure out how to fix a bumper on one of their own vehicles for $800 and might not even be willing to talk about golf with me for less than $800 and the right to shove a nine iron up my already aching ass.

Now back to the not so pleasant present with these scoundrels at Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb. I guess I wanted to believe the staff at Brian Bemis Sycamore/DeKalb could do something right. They certainly could not handle our bumper/tailpipe issue (or two other times we came to them) for less than $800. It was my great hope that they developed enough skill and/or common sense to help us with this minor problem with our middle row seat, maybe find what jammed the track and be able to fix it between $50 and $100.

Kim dropped it off, they examined our beloved family car, called her and said the entire track and part of the seat had to be replaced, the cost would be $800 and the damage was caused by a child’s toy, a Connect Four piece. They blamed a child - OUR CHILD! What kind of shitbags blame children and then try to steal $800 from parents?

Oh, Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb are those kinds of shitbags.

What they didn’t count on is that we went back to pick the car up. We said “No you can’t have our $800” and when they said, “If you won’t let us steal your $800 you have to pay us $54” and we said, “Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb, we will pay your $54 just to keep you from impaling our keisters.”

Then Kim brought the car out to the parking lot, looked where the service manager said the Connect Four piece did $800 of damage and she gently pushed the chair back into the front part of the track and everything was in place. That was the bitch of the thing. They fixed the minor problem. They fixed it and did not count on us coming back without paying them the $800 for the privilege of pretending to fix our car and take it home.

When Kim realized what happened she said, “I am going to tell them that we know they fixed our car and that they were still trying to charge us $800.”

At this point I realized the futility of trying to impart any sort of moral learning on Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb. They aren’t interested in such stuff. Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb is only interested in trying to charge us $800 whenever the fuck they can.

I told my bride, “You don’t need to tell douchebags they are douchebags. They know they are douchebags. That’s what makes them douchebags.”

She went in there and all I saw was head moving and finger pointing and even some foot stomping. Maybe it helped, maybe it didn’t. I’m just glad we didn’t give those fools $800. They can take our check for $54 and choke on it.

So let’s review, Brian Bemis of Sycamore/DeKalb, bad fucking people doing bad fucking things.

Standard and Poor

All credit ratings are are opinions. Anybody want to know my opinion of the opinions of them dumb bastards? I didn’t think so.

Them Dumb Bastards...isn’t that Dave Grohl’s new band? No, no it isn’t.

My plate is full at work today. I think there will be more stuff coming from Clearwater on Tuesday. I’ll have to make sure to knuckle the fuck down so I can get it done and take the lovely Kimberly Jo to her consultation on Wed in scenic Peoria. Love that girl.

Fun night with the boy. Trumpet practice and we played When the Saints Go Marching In (I joined in on the acoustic guitar) When I am freed from my 87,000 year in Purgatory I hope to be greeted at the entrance to Glory by my beautiful child playing that number - - but then who the hell knows how these things turn out? Not me, at least not yet.

Rented the Outlaw Josie Wales (and remembered the scenes to scroll past) and Alex and I ate Milano’s Double Chocolate Cookies and drank the Oberweis. I told the boy that when I passed the licensing exam that would be our reward.

We also played Game 1 of the ALCS with our version of the 2005 WhiteSOX. The real WhiteSOX won again. They just want to keep me interested until their inevitable collapse during the 2nd week of September. Alex Rios with another strong showing at the plate including driving in the game winning run against the O’s.

Now he decides to hit.

His Eyes Uncovered

Friday August 5

Great day at work, always glad to be busy. Fuck the markets. I’ve got tons of shit on my desk. Even better, I’m not heavily invested in any retirement program/boodoggle tied up in the debt of European countries so my no future retirement plan is looking better (or less bad than those losing money saved for their end days) better every day.

Worked, rode my bike home, did a bunch of bills and then rode the old bike to the bank. Got money for our day trip, came home and wrote.

Family Movie Nite - Star Trek TNG Season V, Episodes One and Two - - - Darmok and Gillad at Tinagra.



Saturday August 6

Drove through Wisconsin with my crew and Cousin Mike and his family to see the shrine to Our Lady of Good Help. Beautiful day and wonderful time spent with family. Cousin Mike’s lady sent some great pics to Kim.

The only hitch came 10 minutes from home when I was pulled over for going 44 mph in a 30. In my defense I think I was only going 13 over, but I kept my mouth shut.

The constable let us go with a warning. I think it was my Cousin’s trustworthy face in the passenger seat that won the day for us. Whatever it was, we went back to our place for a heapin’ helpin of sloppy joe’s made by the beautiful and talented Kimberly Jo.


Sunday August 7

Slept in and slept hard. Tornado dreams! I must have "dramatic" stress disorder from the ferocious F1 weather event that ripped through our town last Friday. That’s probably not the case, and the malady I diagnosed myself with is wrong on more levels than I can address here so that’s enough of that.

Great Gospel and homily at Newman today. St. Peter gets out of the boat and tries walking to Jesus on the water. Apparently he never saw Apocalypse Now because YOU NEVER GET OUT OF THE BOAT!

I love St. Peter. There is so much of the same hubris in me. I try to get out of the boat and try to walk by faith only to get scared and start sinking just a few steps into to the journey.

Trying to asses my rock and roll options and explore them in a way that a.) doesn’t piss off friends who have been so wonderful to be through the years, b.) ensures that I don’t go another two years without playing a show with other musicians. I love my friends, but this second one is important personally, my health depends on it. I probably sound like a pussy but everyone needs stupid things, a new couch, an end table to match the new couch, a bigger house for all the new furniture, playing music to keep my drinking and overeating under control is the stupid thing I think I need.

If I don’t get something going by Black Friday, Dec 23 or my next birthday (at the absolute latest) I will be on my way to 220lbs and my useless drinking will go up accordingly.

I owe it to my family and to myself to not let that happen.

I just need to do whatever I try to do next decently, with malice towards none and maybe do something good for others along the way. For a douche like me, that’s a tall fucking order. No small dreams.

Toto IV

Only dumbass economists could take an expression like “double-dip” and turn it to something bad. Way to go economists. Dumbasses!

Passed my dispenser exam. The only points I lost were in the sections where I had to use my fucked up hand. KL did a great job training my uncoordinated ass and helped me look like a professional when I held an otoscope and performed an examination. It was no easy task. I practiced all weekend even after the bad stuff happened to my hand. I actually had to practice more to adapt to the new circumstances accompanying my lower wrist mobility.

Back to the economy for a moment, as scared as everyone sounds in the wake of the debt ceiling talks and other bunglings emanating from Washington and Wall Street, all I can say is look at Syria. Government shooters, as part of the most recent crackdown are opening fire in neighborhoods, ostensibly targeting anti-government forces - - but when you're shooting in a neighborhood there are a lot of people, pro and anti-government to hit.

NPR interviewed a woman who lives in one of these neighborhoods being cracked down...uh, upon(?)...She compared this crackdown to the last serious, Syrian crackdown she lived through in 1982. Shit, the worst thing that happened in my world circa 1982 was the release of Toto IV so I can't complain about a damned thing.

Come on double-dip recession, do your worst.

I can hear Bill Garver now saying, "Don't taunt the recession ed."

WhiteSOX on the old Xbox

I should know my the end of the week if I passed the final components of my state licensing exam. I'd cross my fingers if my hand wasn't still sore.

NOT FROM THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS!

Well, maybe a little of that.

Went out for dinner with John and Janine. Alex and I walked home and played the 2005 version of WhiteSOX on the Xbox. Trust me, doing that is sooooo much better than watching this year's version of the WhiteSOX.

Drivin' me crazy!

Dispense with the Niceties

Drove to Springfield after work yesterday and ate tons of crap there and back. I know I screwed up the bone oscillator placement, but I think I passed. The folks at that office were nice to me. I appreciate their decency and humanity.

And Matching Party Hat

Thursday July 28

Worked with KL on material for my state licensing exam. Asked KJ to text Erika on haircut times for this weekend. I am a balding schmuck but I need to seem like a more professional looking balding schmuck.

Went to the Loco for lunch. Kim thinks I need more protein during the day. I got some of that and some grease to wash it down...

Loved the food at the Loco...a swell treat. The only bad thing was they had daytime, local tv on in the background. Connie Chung’s bitch is still allowed to host a program. I remember him being on in the days when I was too hungover/incapacitated to turn off the television during daylight hours.

My mom used to say nothing good happens when you’re out after midnight.. There’s some truth to that and I found some of the bad out there at or past that time. In a similar vein, nothing good happens on tv from late morning through the afternoon.

Ok, I have a sample size of 24 minutes at a local Mexican food place (yes, that is the most non-baseball, daytime tv I have watched since I was a daily binge drinker) but that was all I needed. That shit was truly horrible. It was actually a clip show advertising other bad/mean tv gotcha shows. I’d be more entertained if someone hit me in the head with a hammer...repeatedly.

I bet I could get people to watch that.

Took Alex and his friends to the park on 7th St for more BP

NOT BRITISH PETROLEUM YOU OILY BASTARDS!

Kim made chicken and bacon and potatoes. That was a very good thing. The little family watched Inside Job after dinner. That’s not a good time for global markets but hey - not my bad paper.

Friday July 29 Twister and Shout

Memorized more fucking speeches and made other preparations for next week’s state licensing exam. We received a bunch of product from two different labs so by the afternoon the studying was kept to a minimum.

And by a minimum I mean none

Came home and rode my bike to the bank. I looped around to get some extra exercise because, quite frankly, my fat stupid ass can use all the exercise it can get whenever it can get it. Then the Civil Defense siren went off...the sky was blue, barely any clouds to the east. I thought ‘Well that’s it, we’re getting bombed or Byron just blew up. It is Bombing/Radiation Day at long last and me without my HASMAT suit and matching party hat.

Then I looked to the west.

I turned just for a second and saw a long, skinny funnel cloud. FUCK! There was no debris, it wasn’t loud at all and there were only a few dark clouds around it BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT IT COULD BECOME...

...again, probably nothing, but I don’t know how or under what conditions long, skinny things in the sky turn into death storms.

I got off the bike and called Kim and Alex. They were at Lowe’s with the in laws. I let them know what I saw and I probably sounded kind of crazy. Rode my ass off to get home and get Cookie and Frenchie (aka Carly aka the Mother-in-Law’s Dog aka the Dog-in-Law) into the basement. Banged the fuck out of my hand as I ran into the house. Poor Cookie was completely freaked out with the sirens blaring. She jumped straight into my arms...then started peeing.

Dog-in-Law was having none of my rescue attempt. Not only would the damned thing not go down to the basement, it tried to bite me. Like the American and British armies in 1942, I grabbed Frenchie by the collar and hollered, “No one gets left behind!”

I think I mixed and misused two war metaphors, but what do I know from war? What do I know from derFunbarrel?

Later I learned that while weather conditions were optimal for producing funnel clouds, it was unlikely if not impossible for those funnel clouds to become full blown tornadoes in our town on a day like today. I wish I knew that when I was in the midst of freaking out. On the other hand, I got more exercise on that seven block panic run than I had all week.


Saturday July 30

Got up early for some fun on the bike. Thoroughly enjoyed the fact that our town was not razed by last nights non-tornado making funnel cloud thingy. Technically, yesterday’s weather event in our town was classified as an F1, and unless there is an F0 I assume that is the weakest weather event of it’s type. I guess that when it comes to threats from animals or weather events, I am the weakest (or is it greatest) coward of my type. So there’s that to be proud of...

Came back from my wake up ride, wrote out bills and biked down to the mailbox on 7th and Taylor. Studied for a good part of the day and then went to get my hair cut. Kim went out with her girlfriends in the evening and Alex and I bought pizza and watched the Season IV Finale for Star Trek TNG. Nerds! I feel bad for dragging the boy down with me, but the sins of the father and all...

I may have accidentally charged our pizza to the company credit card. Oh well, they know where they can find me. Even my attempts at white collar crime are petty and lame.


Monday August 1

Busted my tail doing repair related shit this morning. Kevin worked me over on the simulator most of the afternoon.

NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS!

I think I’m ready for that damned part of the stupid test.

My hand has healed and is almost 100%. Unfortunately my 100% is only worth about 75% of a normal human in the manual dexterity department.

Me and my lousy lack of coordination.