Come on Comcast

...or, Let's Build Two

I hope stupid comcast replays the SOX opener against the Tribe. How does CC fatass give up all those runs to the Good Guys? I'll watch the replay and right before I find out, the screen will go purple.

That's some fine cable tv watchin'


OK it is later and I watched almost the whole replay of the SOX game. The bad calls against the SOX weren't all bad, and I believe did not screw the SOX out of a win.

Crede was safe at the plate. Love ya Joe, great double by the way. You successfully slid under that tag.

Do I really think Joe Crede reads this blog?

If Crede's agent Scott Borus reads this blog let me take this moment to say "Eat my bag you cumswilling motherfucker"

Back to the controversial inning, Cabrera was guilty of interference and it had nothing to do with the slide and everything to do with grabbing at the shortstop's leg. I don't believe Orlando C. meant any malice but when you grab a guy's leg during a double play try that is interference as I understand it. Sorry Hawk, you're an idiot although you are probably a better golfer than I am.

Do I really think the Hawk reads this blog?

Do I really think the Hawk has a computer?

Do I really think the Hawk can read?

He gone.

Beautiful swing in the 9th for Mr. Fukudome. Who knows, he could end up being one of the few cubs who honors the play exemplified by Mr. Cub himself.

The statue is cool.

I don't know what it means coming from a SOX fan but, thanks for being in this world Mr. Ernie Banks. Can't wait to take the boy to see the new monument in Chicago for a rare sports legend who deserves to be remembered in stone.

Weekend's End

Weird weekend, I think.

Told my band I was one drink away from going to a meeting and asking Pat Clapp to be my sponsor. Cousintoucher or no, his story is one where sobriety ends up being not so boring.

Unlike Eric Clapton.

At weekend’s end (?) I don’t think I’ll need to be working toward that first chip any time soon. Played a rock show on Saturday and only consumed two cans of beer. Hosted a family gathering Sunday and only had one glass of Scotch.

I’m fine for now.

Much love to Ladi Di, Eli, Jason, Bob, George and Mary for bringing bigDrag back to CJ’s and helping us to make the rock. Great to see my old neighbor Shawn at the rockshau as well. My favorite part of the night is not going to sound to PC but let’s just say it’s already been that kind of weekend. Noticed that there was a midget in a beautiful red party dress sitting by the video poker machine (for entertainment purposes only) – I asked one of the bartenders, “Is she here for one of the bands or is she a regular?” The bartender said, “I’ve seen her here before.”

Pretty edgy, playing a bar with a semi-regular midget.

Or not.

Joe and I decided that efficient driving routes between Rockford and DeKalb are overrated, hence we got to see so much more of our dingy-assed state at night. Sorry to all of the rest of you losers who were having stimulating conversations, hot monkey-sex, great late dinners/early breakfasts, or home in your warm beds. Me and the Dog were hauling ass aimlessly down 90 East and we are the better for it.

No we are not.

The text message negotiations for the Rav4 continue. I am also going to have to spend some money on some stupid shit real soon and I am not happy about that. Slugged my way through two good M.O.I. pages today and for that I am happy or at least not full of soul-crushing angst.

Hard to Cipher

Sometimes I'm not sure if I am living a full life, rich with diverse activities that stimulate my mind and body or if I am living four or five incomplete and pathetic lives.

Whichever the true answer be (?) I'm saving a little time this morning. Negotiating for the new family car (Toyota Rav4) via text w/ former NIU punter...uh, I'll leave his name out of this for now. The last thing I need is for some punter to google himself and stumble across the litany of rock 'n roll battle damage to the old family wagon that I would like to say left said wagon in "fair" condition. After all, by definition "poor" seems to mean excessive frame, engine and body damage. We took care of most of that shit.

He started us out with a quote before tax & title that was $200 above the Edmunds price Kim found.

Is it possible that this deal could go smoothly? If it doesn't I may end up getting my ass kicked by a semi-professional after I call him Mr. Fourth and Long.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

See y'all at CJ's tonight if my fever breaks.

Who am I kidding? I'll be there, open sores and all.

Stupid leprosy.

American Narrative

This election gives me chills…and not the usual ‘oh fucking shit not this elephant-sized donkey show’ chills.

Well, there’s some of that.

In the wake of the inflammatory comments from the Rev (whose name needs not to be googled here, or googled and lead to here, the place of the e-damned)….

In the wake of Rev Wrong’s fucked excuse for what passes for rhetoric (in the deservingly pejorative sense) and resembles the kind of rhetoric I recognize (remember, I used to work at fucking university where all sorts of sub-moronic, fire and brimstone, liberal speechifyin' on the sins and shortcomings of America passes for intellectual discourse)…

But following the kind of speech that arises too often in American political life – mindless invectives thrown about carelessly (the way some American presidents lob cruise missiles)

….uh, ooops – I think I am guilty of the same shit.

Well, I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite, did I?

But the speeches and writing in the aftermath remind me why I love studying speeches, political writing, and political stories.

I won’t use this as an occasion to talk about race in America. Everybody can offer an opinion on this, some less worthless than others…mine being somewhere in-between sort of worthless and totally fucking worthless….

Perhaps Senator Obama would say I missed the point, but besides thanking me for my vote in the primary, I’m sure we would not have much to talk about and I’m cool with that.

I’m missing the point again, aren’t I?

I am enthralled by Obama’s speech (much of which I disagree with) - - The American Revolution is “incomplete”??? Yeah - says you Senator! You can call whatever we are engaged in now the pursuit of God’s justice or the great quest of equality for all in a diverse society but saying that the American Revolution is incomplete is to fundamentally misunderstand and diminish it.

I’m sure nobody finds that statement caustic since, well who gives a fuck about the American Revolution or how it is defined in (not through) time?!

There was something more important that happened in Senator Obama’s speech. He writes his story into the election, into America, now and forever. Yes, that has been a theme of his candidacy which, while lacking substance on issues from time to time, has never been short on narrative. And we who support him are hungry for those sorts of words, and something like an American narrative that inspires us or at least sounds less insipid than the narrative of politicians we hear from time to time.

By time to time I mean basically We the People get someone or some story like this every 40 or 50 years if we are fucking lucky.

You may say “Ed how can you say you support this fucking guy and say you love the narrative when, in the same stinky breath, you say that he’s short on substance?!?! Things are going to shit in America! We need someone with policies! Ya can’t eat narrative!!!”

To which I say, “Fair point, but try telling Steven King that.”

- ok, that's probably less narrative, and more books by the pound –

A more serious response might be the following – there are those who have taken an interest in the old, beloved and probably equally reviled curmudgeon John Adams and to a greater extent – the founding generation. I knew, although am still surprised, that it was coming when my dear friend Bill Garver (who is always 15 minutes ahead of the rest of us) read thoughtful books, and collected significant numbers original writings from America’s founding generation.

At first I thought he was embarking on some sort of creepy treasure hunt, but he assured me I was out of my head.

For us, the American public, the Latest Generation who claim to care about the founders – let’s hear their policies. What were their stances on the day to day, serious economic issues of their times beyond "I'm fer the National Bank" or "I'm Aginnn the National Bank"? We don’t fucking know, and we don’t fucking care. We care about their stories and aside from Adams, Madison and Hamilton the rest of the founders did NOT write in-depth political treatises…there thought if accessible at all are through letters and biographies.

Those who wish can have Thomas Paine. Seriously, you can have him. I wouldn't waste much more than these few, poorly constructed sentences on a Paine and not because he was an avowed Deist. His writings, with very few exceptions read like an angry, rambling 18th Century blog.

BLECHHH!

I could go one but no one is going to waste the time and brainspace I did comparing Paine's Rights of Man to Burke's Reflections on the Revolution in France. Let me just suggest that the latter is as much a testament to a great man's understanding of where the danger truly lies in politics as it is testament to the power of the English language, while the former reads like a bunch of MUMBO JUMBO BULLSHIT!!!!

I'm not saying the expression of the rights of man is mumbo jumbo bullshit, just Paine's spasmodic, jerk-off behind a dumpster prose style employed in the work. Hey, if I ever need a guest writer for this blog, Thomas Paine could fill in and no one would notice.

Jefferson only got to write the Declaration because Adams pawned it off on him, an action that I’m sure made Adams beat his head against the wall a la the Raging Bull.

Leaf through the rest of Jefferson’s writings. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wrote as much (directly) about botany as he wrote about the American regime or whatever he was a part of creating.

I think I started this post off by decrying over-the-top statements and have fallen prey to all that I sought to criticize. That may be the most American story yet.

Sorry.

But the part of Obama’s speech where he writes himself into the American story, and into this very present tension this is the kind of thing that America’s founders tried to do. They were viewed by some of their contemporary critics as preying on the lowest instincts of the people, trying to build on their passions their hatred of kings and distain of authority. And today they are revered by us for espousing views considered my many of the time, to be worthy only of the rabble.

What can Obama inspire or build? I think it would be foolish to say that it will rise to the accomplishments of the patron saints of our American political religion (it was Lincoln, by the way who said law abidingness ought to be the civic or political religion of this place) THOSE DAMNED REPUBLICANS, ALWAYS THROWING RELIGION IN OUR FACES, stupid Lincoln

- - - but what Obama’s done is taken a low controversy surrounding his minister and the church where he was married and baptized his kids…

- he’s taken the day-to-day political tripe that drags down many…and turned it into beautiful words, deepening both his story and his example.

There are thoughtful critics who have returned worthy and appropriate rhetorical fire at the Illinois Senator currently running for president. I am thinking now about Charles Krauthammer’s piece in The Washington Post. He described Obama’s speech from Tuesday as “an elegantly crafted, brilliantly sophistic justification of that scandalous dereliction” – the dereliction was in what, I guess ought to be Obama’s duty to denounce his pastor.

I think Krauthammer has a point insofar as part of us expects our leaders and really everyone to denounce wrong and inflammatory speech when we hear it.

I think Krauthammer has a point in saying to Obama that it is hard to claim that his campaign transcends the fears of the past (embodied by the old preacher on his way out) and still expose his children to that old, destructive rhetoric.

But doing what Krauthammer would have him do would cheat us out of the real rhetorical, political and almost poetic beauty of Obama’s speech and candidacy. He puts himself, politically, personally and racially in the middle of the controversy. Instead of denouncing the minister or steeling his resolve against critics he offers empathy to those who feel racial tension in America. There are many (I have been known to say this from time to time) that say empathetic appeals are pretty low. Obama uses his words, his story, (and I may regret writing this but seriously, who is reading at this point??) even his very skin to show that the anger and frustration in American are part of his constitution.

This kind of shit is so much more worth my time than “I feel your pain.”

Smash and Grab Bag

Friday evening started out with Kim, Alex and I going to Newman for Stations of the Cross. Powerful stuff. I told Alex that he could ask if he had any questions. His only vocal response during the whole thing was when the narrator said Veronica wiped the spit and blood from our Lord’s face. Alex quietly whispered, “Dude, sick.”

Thank you Methadones, MOTO and Effigies for coming to rock our ditchy little backwater town. Trust me when I say that Friday’s show was a victory for dirty farmers everywhere. What a night. All the usual, and unusual suspects were out and about and I thank them all for putting up with my nigh-youthful exuberance.

It wasn’t perfect. I was rebuked by a wise old dog when I suggested that we change the name of bigDrag to Forward Together Forward.

Me: “I am so sick of those stupid fucking crying dog signs and having to hear Alex say over and over again, ‘Those dogs are sad because of what happened at NIU’”
OD: “Um, I don’t know where you’re going with this.”
Me: “I’m just saying we should change the fucking band name to Forward Together Forward. We might as well do it before some little douchebags start up the Dead Huskies or DK.O.A.”
- stunned silence from the OD -
Me: “And if people ask us questions or tell us the name is in bad taste we can say ‘You weren’t there man! You don’t know!’”
OD: “You weren’t there ed. You don’t know.”
Me: “I do know this, if I had my way we would’ve changed our name to the Taliband long ago.”

PDawg made an appearance and it was great to see him. I told my associate Karl, “See that guy dressed like a cat burglar? That’s the best songwriter in this town.”

Karl was kind and only gave me a look that sorta said ‘Pretty sure it was never a contest ed’

You couldn’t throw a beer-soaked brick and not hit a Schmuggabookend (those who were there will know my meaning) - - those gals are swell and usually put the seal of approval on any rock ‘n roll evening.

NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS!

…well, maybe a little of that.

Hung out with the OD, DC, Jenny, Dena and (dare I say) her fiancé. Not sure if he was the actual fiancé but he seemed like a nice young man. What am I her drunken uncle?

Maybe we should change the name to Drunken Uncle…

I’m not going to offer any commentary about the show itself. It’s not for me to say. I think some of the guys on stage Friday night were near 50. They still rocked. I have no perspective on what it means to rock at 50 but they fucking did it. Everybody had a blast and nobody got hurt. Well…

The one minor tragedy, the Focus station wagon was broken into during the show. At first when I called it a night and went to my car, I didn’t even notice that part of the back, hatchie-taily whatever window was smashed. I thought it was some weird, cracked-like glaze from frost or something. Why would I assume someone broke into my car? Why would someone break into the gold painted shitwagon?

Sorry Kim, I know you love that car.

So I’m driving to the taco place for a post-punk-post-show-post-midnight on Good Friday burrito when it starts to feel a little breezy in my car. “Hmmmm,” I say to no one in particular, “There seems to be a hole in that frost covering my back window.”

I thought next to nothing more about it, my mind being placed firmly on navigating to the taco place and then procuring a tasty burrito from said taco place.

Saw Pat there and offered him a big ass hug and some words of love for the Riverbilly Cousin Touchers show.

After lauding the marvels of Pat’s stage activities and getting my greasy hands on an even greasier burrito I left. It was while backing out of my parking space at the taco joint that I heard a crack and some glass falling into the back of my car. I barely touched (not cousin touched) the dumpster with the back of the wagon (I’d done it a million times before, people that go to the Loco know the dumpster of which I speak)….

…but this time when the back of my window touched the dumpster – HALF THE DAMNED THING FELL IN THE BACK OF MY CAR.

I drove it to Pearl Street, pulled over and got out just to look at the back. I waved my hand through the top area of the tailgate and knew something had gone horribly wrong. I was sure I didn’t just smash into the dumpster in the Loco taco-lot because like I said, I used that maneuver to pull out of the cramped back space a thousand times before. And now, the more I thought about it, I felt that cold air rushing on me from the minute I left the show, before I even decided to go tacoing.

Being the super-sleuth I am I figured some drunken louts were fighting in the lot behind the Annex and one lout pushed the other’s head into the back of the Ford Focus. When I came home and told Kim she called me a dufus and said that it would probably take a lot more than some guy’s head to break a rear windshield like ours. Kim said, “You’d have to swing something metal or hard with a lot of force to break through that sort of glass or plastic Honey.”

I bow to my wife’s knowledge of practical and applied physics so I said “Ok, well I didn’t want to call the cops because even tho I drank water the last hour or so I was out, I didn’t want to have to deal directly with Johnny Law. Especially since I drove away from the spot where it originally happened.”

I was too stupid to realize my car had been broken into until I had made a second stop. I guess that’s why I haven’t had much success helping OJ find the real killers.

The next morning Kim went out and inspected the damage. She proved her theory that someone smashed it because a purse she had been planning to take to the Salvation Army was missing. It was red and it stood out. It was also empty. We try to be generous but as far as I know we have yet to give a purse loaded with cash and/or credit cards to those in need.

When I realized our car was broken into, I wasn’t angry, I didn’t feel violated…but I sort of felt offended. The bastards who took the time to smash our window and steal from us left all my CDs. It’s basically like saying an empty, red $15 purse is worth more than the Falcon EP. Sheeesh, they could’ve at least took a minute to listen to the record and then decide if they wanted to steal it or not.

When I talked to DC the next day he said, “Didn’t touch your record collection eh? Well at least we know the Doodletown Pipers box set is safe.”

It wasn’t a box set.

It was their greatest hits.

This kind of thing would never have happened in Doodletown that’s for damn sure.

Ah well, what can you say? edP’s record collection – It’s Theft Proof

I’m like The Club of culture.

Not to be confused with Culture Club.

Also not stolen from my car.

My Brackets Are Lousy

Failure! Whoa is me! Whoa? Forget it I'm on a roll...nothing will woe this horse even if it mistakes whoa for woe.

Whoa...

I thought for sure Portland State would beat Kansas. Stupid Bill Self. He better check hisself.

Sorry.

This is why I could never write for a living.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a coworker who may possibly be promoted within the next day or so. If I had to guess I'd say he didn't get the gig but I hope I'm wrong. Although I would miss working next to the guy, he deserves a break. We'll see.

Left work at 4:00 and there was nice weather. Hit a $5 bucket of balls (yeah, that was one swell bucket) at a bumblebee yellow minivan. I pretended the yellow minivan was the Stryper tour bus. Hell, for all I know it was the Stryper tour bus.

Came home and jumped on the tramp with the boy. Then Kim, Alex and I were Batavia bound. E-dog gave my lady a bitchin' haircut and I don't look to shabby either, if I do say so myself.

And I do.

If all goes according to plan, this Easter will be the first holiday we host back at our Palace on Kent since my birthday. We are now, more than ever, grateful to God that we still have time with a very special loved one and our whole family. Kim and I have become a team when it comes to getting these shindigs together. I don't know if it can be said that we throw great or even adequate parties, but we have fun trying. I bitch about my extended family, but one of the many things I loved about the Sopranos is how happy the main character was to have his family and friends in his house, eating his food and drinking his booze. It may be a sign of my advanced age, or it may be totally immature but I feel the same way.

Usually St. Joseph's Day

Happy birthday to my beloved wife. Kim, I can't believe you have filled this world with 29 years of love and joy. You are a miracle and the sweet love you have given our family is truly an unbought gift.

Whatever else happens to me in this life, I know I outkicked my coverage when I married you.

Here's hoping to see you in your birthday suit later.

The Boom Stick and You

- or Court TV and Me

For Supreme Court geeks (like me) and monkey-asses (also me) who believe the boomstick is like a lot of good things in this life (fun, sometimes necessary and potentially deadly), today's arguments in front of our Nine Superfriends gets my blood pumping.

In bars, where I do my best thinking, I have told my good friend Shooty Mc Shoots Alot and others foolish enough to listen that those who want to read an individual right to bear arms into the 2nd amendment do so at the risk of local liberty.

What do I mean by this?

The mouthpiece supporting the DC ban will go before the Supremes and offer an interpretation of the 2nd Amedment that emphasizes the "well-regulated militia" portion of the 2nd Amendment. He may be right, he may be wrong but any dumbass knows that this is how the argument goes - - - the DC ban doesn't violate an individual right enshrined by Constitution (or its Bill of Rights, which seems to be all that's left of the Constitution these days) - - but according to those who support the DC ban...there was never an individual right to keep and bear arms to protect.

BEARS!

Incidentally, I think the liar...er, lawyer supporting the gun ban is named Dillinger (I haven't been following the story that closely, but I hope it is his fucking name)

If he has a sense of drama, Dillinger the lawyer would take a bar of soap, carve it into the shape of a gun and freak out everybody in the Chamber of the Damned screaming "Bet ya want to uphold a gun ban now douchebags!!!!"

Oh, I had a semi-serious point.

Now those who would argue that the DC gun ban inhibits personal freedom, especially the Cato Society-type conservatives/libertarians (they share certain positions re: govt as nuisance) - these folks want to claim the Founders for their side.

They want to focus on the portion of the 2nd Amenrment that mentions the "right of the people to bear arms"

BEARS!

Those against the DC gun law opine that the Founders knew the people made up militias and hence it was the people who needed to be armed. Those opposing the DC gun laws will further argue that the Founders knew tyrants in the past tried to disarm the people directly, hence ensuring their tyranny since the people would not be able to rise up against them.

Pretty straight forward here, you don't need to be Bobby Fischer to see where the game is headed.

While both sides get it wrong to a certain extent, I know one thing that the Founders could not have possibly meant - -

- - - and this should irk the individual right/personal freedom crowd to no end...

sorry by the way -

But there is no way the Founders would imagine this scenario where the Supreme Court would be overturning a local governing body and doing so on the basis of an individual right - - INFERRED FROM SOME FUCKING LAWYER'S INTERPRETATION OF THE 2ND AMENDMENT!!!!

The abuse of any liberties which may or may not be enshrined in the 2nd Amendment, pale in comparison with those run over when lawyers run to nine people , elected by no one, sitting in little boxes for life, to try and overturn or uphold decisions put forth by a local governing body representing the people directly.

Furtherfuckingmore, those who care to do so, follow the arguments coming out of these proceedings, both sides are trying to figure out the Framers' intent by talking about machine guns, armor-piercing bullets, trigger lock rules etc....shit that DID NOT COME UP DURING THE DEBATES OVER DRAFTING THE 2ND FUCKING AMENDMENT!

To those making arguments fer er agin the DC gun ban - I know you're all a bunch of lawyers but can't we just be honest and say we don't give a shit about what the Founders wanted, they're just window dressing for whoever has the more powerful argument?

Oh yeah, these guys are lawyers arguing in front of the Supreme Court.

They make up shit like this every day.

Why should I give a shit? As long as no one argues that I don't have the Constitutional right to shoot the fuck out of a fucking tv whenever I've had a coupla beers in me...I'll be fine.

The previous sentence was so convoluted it is hard for me to determine whether or not I used a double negative. But that's ok. I'm pretty sure I have a Constitutional right to bad grammar.

Yay! The system works.

Spookie

No practice last night. It sucked but we skipped out for a good reason. Believe me.

Good night of doing homework with the boy. He is getting so much more confident with his handwriting. He still likes to smash the words together at the end of the page, but the writing at the beginning of his sentences looks beautiful. I'm not going to lie to you internets, it's better than mine. Maybe I could use a little OT in my life.

NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS!

What else? Couldn't go to Bill Garver's on Sunday for the beginning of the Adams HBO thing. That sucks. I love HBO programming...but mostly what I love about it is - - it's an excuse to hang out with Bill, Trix and the microhounds. They're good people.

Finished Exit Ghost and I feel like someone famous has croaked and I will never get to enjoy their antics, and I will never be inspired by them again. Fought my instinct to start the NZ books all over again. I don't read books over and over anymore. I don't care what sort of limiting statement that sounds like. I read the same damned books for ten years. Fuck that.

Reworked Spookie (an old thing that I've had forever) and I think it will make a good OKB song.

The First Clue

Maybe the first fucking clue to Bear Stearns' ultimate fate may be found in the investment outfit's name.

What kind of idiots would put BEAR in the title of anything involving investments?!?!?

Fucking morons.

BEARS!

Practical List Number 871

Between today and tomorrow I need to

1. Get 2nd chk & grocery money from KJ
2. Pay extortion money to Snoopy
3. Have Kim give me an envelope for Prairie HC so I can send off her $
4. System Saver NaCl
5. New Furnace Filter
6. Work on my share of cleaning & laundry
7. Burn Arcade Fire record for KJ
8. Get meat & bandages


non-practical, more rock 'n writing shit...

1. Decide on intro for Pleasanton before reintroducing it @ Monday bD practice
2. Start making new notes for the Holly 'n Steve were my drug dealers part of Kish - the real story is too unbelievable for that thing
3. Try and slug my way through another 1/2 page of testimony for Eddie Sanstrom

Juno What I Mean

Got off work and walked with the boy over to Sullivans. He needed bats for his Geo Safari electronic thing. We fired it up and quickly found out how little I knew about the rivers, cities and countries that make up the African continent.

Thanks and much love to Jas, our supercool babysitter. Alex had fun with Jas and her little brother while Kim & I actually got to go on a date.

Pinot grigio (I am neither too fancy nor too manly to admit drinking that stuff), too much bread, and salmon over cheesie fat noodles, artichoke hearts with some yummy marinara gravy...all made for a great Lent-friendly meal. I'd say that I have gone Flanders again, but ain't no way Flanders was a Catholic. He actually knew something about his religion.

Then my lady and I took in Juno.

Pretty sweet night.

Elliot Spitzer Blew It

Worst resignation speech ever!

ooooooh I'm leaving public life because of the hooker thing

oooooh, first I have to work on my private failings

ooooh, if I ever come back to to serve people it will be outside of politics

What a fucking chump. He's dedicated his life to public service? Phhffffft - $80,000 spread out over 10 years?!?! This man has dedicated his life to hookers and I, for one, wish he made that the centerpiece of his resignation speech.

If I was advising him I'd say - "Spittzie..." - - I'd be such a close personal advisor that I'd be the only one who'd call him Spittzie - - - "Spittzie," I'd say, "Leave your wife tell the people of New York that you paid for sex and you'll do it again, you'll have to do it again because wives don't like to fuck husbands who fuck hookers. Tell 'em all that they won't have Elliot Spitzer to kick around anymore...then establish residency in Vegas and run for Governor of Nevada."

He'd be guaranteed the hooker vote.

He could hold his State of the State address at the Bunny Ranch.

If somebody from the press dared to ask him what happened to his former First Lady he could respond "Look douche bag I got a First Lady, Second Lady, Third Lady a fucking Lady for every night of the week!"

And he'd be an unstoppable force if he could only find a running mate with the last name Swallows.

C'mon people, what red-blooded American wouldn't pull the lever for the Spitzer/Swallows ticket?

CSI DK

The last weekly cop drama I watched regularly (usually weekly) was Homicide Life on the Streets. That was back when there was a semi-literate cad in the White House so it's been awhile.

Watched CSI NY tonight and noticed that I haven't missed anything in the last twelve years or so.

The whole endeavor seemed to be devoid of the basic components of fiction or drama as I understand them. In the moments before each commercial break I could almost hear the director counting "3, 2, 1...and now do something sort of dramatic so the audience will sit on their couches for a minute during the first, big-money commercial"...

And calling the characters from CSI New York two-dimensional would be an insult to trapezoids everywhere.

TV ought to give up this unwatchable, tired horseshittery and produce my Mangum Opus - - - -

Stripper Cops!

Shit, the douchebag tv execs could save money on bad actors and just get real fucking strippers. If they'll spit watermelon seeds at me 'n Bill Garver for a quarter a seed (ooops, I think I promised never to even allude to that story), they'll lower themselves to star in a 1 hour crime drama on *shudder* CBS.

I even have a couple of show slogans:

STRIPPER COPS - Undercover, and under-dressed

STRIPPER COPS - You have the right to remain in the bar without paying for a lap dance so long as you meet the two drink minimum requirement

STRIPPER COPS - So much better than our show about a fake-ass, metal-lite Jesus band posing as musicians and detectives called STRYPER KOPS

MWAFG

Put up the remaining OKB tracks that I had in the can (not to be confused with In the Can which may or may not be coming out sometime soon)…but I was pretty happy listening to them on the OKB page.

The Mary Wuz a Farm Girl session was one of my favorite sessions in what has otherwise been a sorry excuse for rock productivity.

My dear friend Jerry recorded several tracks that will end up on the final OKB record, including Mary Wuz a Farm Girl, and we had a blast doing such stuff. I think it might be fair to say that I never had a bad time in a recording studio w/ Jerry whether it was doing these songs or when he helped with the last Ambersons record.

Those who only know the drama fucking boring ass drama side of the story might be inclined to think that Jerry broke up the MA.

I don’t know about any of that, but what I do remember is when the making of Current got shitty or difficult or both, Jerry helped me let loose with recordings like MWAFG.

Also Jerry is someone who contributed greatly to making the MA record, and not just with $ but with good ideas re: mic placement, mixing…he was equally capable of handling the boring and creative parts of making records. It was not easy for him to get his point across especially because there were some involved with the last record that assumed because he put up $ he must be an idiot. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Or if he was an idiot, he was the same kind of idiot that I was.

The Old Dog was a rock too and attended almost every MA recording session helping me with notes and being my pal. Looking back, thru the dark, unproductive shit that popped up from time to time - ironically these two guys never failed to lift my spirits.

How the hell did I get sidetracked? I was talking about recording these songs that ended up on I WANNA and I'm talking about the ol Current record. Let's just say getting sidetrack is a leitmotif of this blog and move on.

Dick jokes would've made for better leitmotif.

My guitarsenal for the MWAFG recording? On the basic track this fake-ass, dirty-cream-colored Tele called THE ELECTRA and the insane solo at the end was a Sheridan with the original pickups removed and crazy electronics put in by Jerry himself.

Dare I say, Jerry-rigged?

Cousin Mike provided a larger than normal din with his famous red guitar going through Jerry’s half-battle damaged Fender Quad.

Does that make it a Fender 8th?

Bill is part live Bill and part sampled Bill…sampling and looping Bill’s bucket playing made us pee so much we almost wet each others’ pants.

That’s an image no one needs.

…ummm and totally untrue.

Most of our recordings were a three-day process and we spread those three days out over two weeks…due to Current recording sessions and Ambersons gigs.

First day, basic tracks with whatever band we were using (in the case of MWAFG, it was the old floating Basement)

Second day, listen, decide on a take (there were usually only two or three to choose from the fB wasn't big on playing the same damned thing over and over again) do any overdubs (voc & guitar) and do a 10 minute quickie mix.

Third day, do a "proper" mixdown (none of them lasted more than an hour because quite frankly we couldn’t spend more than an hour with most of those tracks) then drive somewhere and listen to what we had.

We drove over to campus to pick up shit from my office in the POLS dept while we listened to MWAFG. Parked in the parking garage and ran over to Zoloft Hall. When we came back to the parking garage we jumped in my crappy Sunbird (I was the douche who still had a tape player in their car) and we cranked our track one last time.

Following the opening guitar chords and the stampede that was sampled & looped Bill and Cousin Mike….

…as soon as that stuff came out of my stereo…

Car alarms went off all over the parking garage.

To me, that smells like victory.

Friday Fun Night

...followed by a good, working Saturday

Kim went out with her girlfriends on Friday night. The boy and I hunkered down with a pizza and watched the Hawks.

Yes, the mighty Blackhawks.

He didn't like all the talking before the game and we were both a bit frustrated at first since the Sharks 1st line skated so much better than these new-look Blackhawks...

But when the Hawks took advantage of the first powerplay and were able to attack the net and break through with a goal...we were both pretty excited.

Then the boy got comfortable in the fort he built with his mom.

The boy crashed & I read Exit Ghost while listening to my Hoagy Carmichael pandora station.

I may come back with some of my thoughts on I Married a Communist and The Human Stain at a later point. I read the last NZ "American trilogy" (if that is what it is called) out of order. I think it was the beginning of last summer when I read American Pastoral.

Maybe I won't come back to the Human Stain since it has such a big shocker that talking about it more than this will ruin the fuck out of it.

Kim & Alex went to the OF on Saturday. I worked on bills (Bill's what?), played X-box, finished some new shit to bring to bigDrag, and wrote more testimony pages for the longer thing of which the Raccoon short story was a part of...

Boy I'm a terrible writer. Why did I waste yesterday doing that? Clearly the practice doesn't make me better.

Great line from an Obama supporter in the wake of Bill Foster's victory over the Milkman in my Congressional district...

"We just won another super delegate."

Pauvre, pauvre Milkman. How can a rich, milk & ice cream vending Republican lose in the 14th Congressional District? Did we lose a war or something?

Oh...

Change

This has nothing to do with the damned election.

Those interested in downloading the 1st four tracks from the Old Kishwaukee Band's debutt I WANNA should do so by the end of Friday. Over the weekend I will delete all 4 songs (which amounts to the first half of the record) and replace them with the last 5 songs

I Like You
Mary Wuz a Farm Girl
Mouth of the Dardanelles (the Aegean Beyond)
Anyone Can Make a Shadow
You Don't Understand Normal Thinking

The first four tracks won't be gone forever. I'll cycle through all nine I WANNA tracks one more time between now and the 4th of July.

So good night and God Bless You.

And God Bless the United States of America!

Ould and Atch

Congrats to the boy! This week his Word Wall spelling words were…

could
should
would
catch
hatch
match
scratch

We came up with a game where he typed out the endings of the two sets of words in the biggest type we have

ould

atch

Then we typed out the beginnings. Dad called out the word and he’d have to match the single-letter or blend beginning with the ending and then spell the word.

- once while looking at it and then spell it again looking away.

He took the pre-test today and got 100%, hence he does not have to take the dreaded Friday spelling test. There are some things that come easy to Alex in school and other areas where he struggles. I think we found a fun way for him to have some success in one of the areas he doesn’t like.

I find more satisfaction in doing this work with my child than in my last six years at NIU.

I probably will not put that on my cv.

Texas Ruckus

I wonder if Jon Wayne and Jimbo remembered to vote in the primary and caucus in their home precincts.

And what of Mr. Egyptian?

Nothing seems to be over in tonight's primaries/whatever they are doing in Texas.

Some of the MSNBC gang seem to be willing to bury Senator Klinton despite her margin of victory in Ohio and the fact that (as of the writing of this blog) she is ahead in Texas.

No matter what the delegate math is, Kilinton wins Ohio and Texas she can not and will not quit. She will fight on in PA. There is no fucking way she wins the two biggest states after where her campaign has been, there is no way she wins those two states (no matter how close the race is in TX)...there is no way she takes these two wins and says "That's it, I'm going home to bake cookies."

She deserves this moment, speaking to these joyous buckeyes. I got a little pissed when she mentioned her previous wins and included Florida and Michigan near the top of her list. If her crew fights and promises to seat those wolverines and gators after they flouted the donkey primary rules, I will call them cheaters cheaters pumpkin eaters all.

Stupid Michigan and stupid Florida.

Maybe now that Huckabee's out of the race he'll get out of politics for good and join Bog.

They could always use another bass player.

Great practice last night. bigDrag broke off some solid chunks of rock and threw 'em down in Chris' basement. There were a few moments where I just closed my eyes and enjoyed myself.

I've needed to go through the OKB stuff and I am excited to put it out...

I also needed to play these songs with Dev, Joe and Chris....even the old shit that we've played a thousand times, just to capture that thing we share and hear it come back to us.

Obama is speaking in San Antonio and I hope to hell he is nowhere near the damned Alamo. Who am I kidding? It's all Alamo down there.

Chris told me about this video and I think it will be cycling on my computer for awhile.

BEARS!

Bread 'n Circuses

...and a Russian election thrown in for good measure.

I know why I'd be reluctant to go out and vote if I was a Muscovite. I'd be afraid that if exit polling was conducted and one of my comrades asked me who I voted for there'd be no way I could pronounce Dmitri Medvedev. Oh it looks easy but listen to the professional reporters try it. Dude's name is like an "M" with no vowels.

The new Russian whatever his name is sounds like the name Kevin Kline makes up in a Fish Called Wanda.

All right enough. The guy has probably just been installed for life so there'll be plenty of time to make fun of him.

Cranked out some testimony pages for Matter of the Inquest. I need to sit down and do some serious work on the query letter. Here's the first sentence I've been mulling over:

Boys will be boys, but what sort of boys are right to fight, to kill and even to day for the carcass of a three-legged raccoon.

Maybe I should keep mulling.

Launched Bread 'n Circuses and that brings the number of I WANNA songs on the OKB MySpace page to four. Cousin Mike actually wrote words to this song. I still have the words. I could have overdubbed them at any time. They're good words too...but I like how this sounds as an instrumental. We could do Bread 'n Circuses 1.5 w/ words but for now I dig the song the way it is.

The Clinton "red phone" ad typifies the whole tired-ass campaign her people have put forward. Too bad for her because I think she's a candidate who deserved better people around her. Senator BO had a fine response but if I were advising him I'd say:

"Senator O, at the end we should have Senator Clinton pick up the phone and it's some chick asking 'Is Bill there?' And then Hillary is like 'This is his wife! Who is this?' And then we hit 'em with the tag line 'Does America need four more years of Clinton booty calls on the red phone'"

Hopefully Obama would then have the decency to fire my ass.

Because I am lame, on nights like this when Kim is working at school I like to read while listening to big band music on the intertubes. I stumbled across this Benny Goodman track. Check out the giant piece of furniture/stereo. My dad has the exact same rig in his basement. In fact, I think he has this record from the Benny Goodman Sextet.

Could it be that the Old Man is throwing his record collection up on YouTube?

Double Order of Poppers

Thanks and much love to my dear friend ChrisB for taking me out to Twins last night. I was about to go into full on hermit mode for an evening and Chris was up for having a good time. Not too many beers consumed by me and I sustained no serious battle damage, although I knew I needed to make it an early evening. My motor has been running and running for awhile and it was nice to just chill with my buddy, eat a double order of Jalapeño Poppers and be home by 10pm.

In general it was a beautiful night. Before drinking and hanging out began Chris and I saw Joe and Steener's new place. Fantastic. I am so proud of them and their new home. There's a lot of work to do and thank goodness I'm no good at any of that sort of stuff.

Back to our trip to Twins...

No mayhem ensued. We did not cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. We behaved like grown ups. My mom was right. Chris is a good influence on me. She liked the crew cut he used to wear.

I did cry a little when I let slip the Jalapeño Poopers later on but that was about it.