This Looks Like a Job for Superballs

Alex came home from school early on Friday. My buddy had an earache. He was doing better by Family Movie Night and we all enjoyed Wall-E.

Saturday was low key. No hoops. Earache persists. Worked on some math and our letter to Sylvia. The whole family watched curling and we were mesmerized. Alex felt good enough to invent a game of his own. It involved superballs and the hallway. Lots of superballs. Needless to say his game was way more exciting than curling.

Cookie may need therapy.

Tonight Kim made stew. Family reading night. I'm rereading passages of Huck Finn to make sure I did not steal too much from Huck and Tom. Kim read her Bronte novel. Don't get me started on the Brontes or their work. It's not that I don't appreciate such things...I just don't know who wrote what and sometimes I forget the exact number of known Bronte writers.

...and Alex is making his way through 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Great weekend!


At the beginning of this week I need to...

Finish editing "Electrons, and Where They Go to Hide" @ Larry's
Pay accountant
Call my P's about this weekend
Work on the August 07 thing
More faces for the Kish boxes
Contact Trent about "Smokey Smile" pic
Finish the Oakland paragraph "Designated for Assignment"

....and more

Rock Update for Blogosphere

Rock is commencing at Otto's Friday March 26th - - bigDrag will play with times and other acts TBA. The Kish record will be available for $1 or a can of food...all proceeds going to the DK Food Pantry. We raised a few hundred bones and got several wonderful and weird cans of food last year. I expect more of the same from our generous and equally weird friends out there.

More as more develops

Tweet or Die Trying

I joined Twitter today, just because Ozzie did...and really, who the heck knows (or cares) why I do anything?

Tweet

I wish I could cuss right now.

A DeKalb by Any Other Name

...is still gonna smell like garbage.

Our town is all atwitter (although I refuse to follow DeKalb's coming and goings on Twitter) about a proposal to expand our already impressive landfill. County Board members are being advised not to speak to their constituents until a final vote is taken on doubling or trebling the size of a landfill I can sort of see from my house.

Who is telling our County Board members to keep quiet? My sources indicate it's got to be either the Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files, or Oscar the Grouch. More on this developing story as it...uh, develops.

The bigger question might be, why would a shadowy figure (or muppet) tell our elected officials to keep quiet on an issue such as this? Are they afraid that we are planning to steal the new garbage? Of course this is a town where a needle exchange program is 'hey, I haven't spiked this one before so it's new to me'

Sorry DeKalb junkies

Pun almost intended

At any rate, I see landfill expansion as a foregone conclusion so I, for one, welcome trash from the greater midwestern region. I think it was Horace Greeley who once said, "Dump your rotten banana peels there young man."

As this is our Manitrash Destiny, DeKalb should consider adopting an appropriate nickname. Consider the following:

1. The Down-Windy City

2. Garbage Shoveler to the World

3. New Gary

Feel free to submit your own and celebrate (or mock) our fate, to taste.

General Whack-a-madoos

Reading some of my old rants against the Cubs from the blog and my journal going back to the late 80's. I am a stupid, stupid man. I've gotten worked up over some incredibly inconsequential shit over the years. Wow.

Kim bought 4 bleacher tix for Sat May 1st against the Dbags. We're going to take her cousin Jenny and her fiance. I hope I can get an Old Fashioned at the new bar in Wrigley before grabbing some pine (or whatever that wonderful, moldy old green wood is) and enjoying day baseball crammed in with the throngs of fans, party-goers and general whack-a-madoos.

I think I served under General Whack-a-madoos in D'nang.

You weren' there man! You don't know. Ok, I wasn't there. I don't know. I am not even sure how to spell D'nang.

No more jokes about D'nang.

Got to pick out a SOX game...not that SOX tickets are as hard to get as those for their northside counterparts...but there is something fun about buying baseball tickets in Feb. It makes me forget this slushy month and look forward to better weather.

Don't get me wrong, I believe every day is a gift from God (even the crappy days) but there is always a point where I start thinking, 'February, I am through with you'

Lowe's - Let's Get Angioplasty Together

This week the home improvement juggernaut purchased bulk heart/health care from the renowned (or at least seriously “nowned”) Cleveland Clinic. By purchasing in bulk, Lowe’s employees have a variety of heart care treatments available to them at prices significantly below the going rate for such procedures out there in the health care marketplace.

I don’t know what the implications of this are…seems like an interesting experiment and definitely worth trying so long as folks at Lowe’s don’t start stroking out left and right. Incidentally, fuck Lowe’s! I’ve got Trixie at the Do-It Center.

There is no entendre in the sentence above…the gal who owns the Do It Center in our town is named Trixie and we all love her.

Maybe my work will consider purchasing bulk psychiatric care. Allow me to submt the following conversation:

Boss: “How are you doing today ed?”
Me: “Just another day in paradise Mr. Craig."
Coworker: “Freezing paradise.”
Me: “No one said it would be perfect.”

…uh…

Joseph Heller Would Love Today's NBA

Let me see if I've got this straight...

The Bulls trade Tyrus Thomas to the Charlotte Bobcats for a pick that they probably wanted to give to another team. And they trade a decent player in John Salmons to the Milwaukee Bucks (a team chasing the Bulls in the playoff race and who need his shooting to replace Michael Redd) for two guys who they (the Bulls) have no intention of keeping.

But the best scenario would've included trading the pick from Charlotte to Houston for a guy with a max contract (T Mac...or is it T Max?) who may be unable to play at present and whose greatest value is that he will leave the Bulls in the off-season all to possibly add two big free agents, or one free agent and a nice complimentary player or get no one before the new, lower salary cap takes effect.

Maybe Lindsey Hunter has an escalator in his contract rewarding him for not dribbling.

Looks Like Jesus, Throws Like Mary

If my beloved WhiteSOX acquire Johnny Damon I hope they do the right thing on three different fronts. Front the first - they will only offer him one year (Los Tigres are offering two to the best of my knowledge). Front the second - they will bat him second...Damon might not hit 30 doubles in SOX park but he may be able so see some good pitches following Pierre or at least help him make progress on the basepaths (depending on what Juan still has in the tank)...and finally, Front the Third - Damon should be more DH than anything else. The knock on Johnny Longhair during his last days in Boston was:

"He looks like Jesus, but he throws like Mary."

Oh those sexist, sacrilegious and hilarious Red Sox fans...I smell another curse coming on!

Karachi Grab

I do not know what to make of yesterday's news. On one hand I want to be encouraged that the US and Pakistan have found a way to publicly work together and this has yielded a success. I have also read reports that Pakistan's leaders are denying that they are working closely with the US on this and other like operations. So much for open support and cooperation.

Regarding the apprehension of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, it is said that he is the Talilban's #2 man. That could mean he's just below Mullah Omar which makes this a big deal. Or, if the Taliban is structured like modern university (and I suspect that it is), Baradar is more like a vice president. You can't throw a rock at a place like NIU and not hit a vice president of something or other.

In unrelated, random rock/international affairs news...bD had its best practice in awhile. Songs both new and old rocked and rocked hard. It's too bad it is probably way too late to change the band's name to Special Region No. 4 just because I want to make a video of novice monks chilling out with the local warlord, listening to dil on their cellies. I've got a vision kids.

A pointlessly dopey vision.

Finally, local Chicago sports douchebag Dan Berstein described the Canadian winter games as, "slushy and weird and stupid." He took the words right out of my mouth.

A New Way of Doing For Medicinal Purposes Only

Missed hanging out with the fellas this week, but ultimately it was a good thing. I worked on (or reworked) some older shit, in a better key and with a more interesting arrangement (sort of following the Barb City Confidential song we've been working on the last few practices)

Also added a new intro to Barb City Confidential that I need to show Chris and Joe at some point on Tues...and then if it works see what D thinks when he gets out to Sugar Grove...if he's interested in the new thing.

More on other such stuff later.

We weighed it out
And you know what, it almost weighed a ton

And that's how
We missed out on all the summer fun

She weighed it out
And laid it out right there in front of me

It brought us down
Drownin' with that sweet, greedy mercury

It imitates synthetic morphine
Inhibition inhibitor
Endocrine cascade
See your heart beat
On the monitor

It increases secretion
Of whole blood serotonin
Use as directed
For medicinal purposes...

...only

n-OPA!

Things have gotten so bad for the Greek economy that the government has temporarily suspended the breaking of plates.

Ironically, sales of dishes for smashing made up 97.9% of GDP in that country so the Greek economy collapsed minutes following that decision.

In happier news, Iceland is offering package tours for deranged Bjork fans allowing them unprecedented access to the city where she spends much of the year, her home and her purse.

Not My Fault

...or, Deathquake 2010!!!

My stupid little dick town once again has made national news (not totally our fault...I think the epicenter was somewhere around Pinegree Grove or Gilberts).

In the aftermath of the 4.3 earthquake (don't believe the hype or the downgrade to 3.8 as was reported later in the day)...

here are edP's "Survival Tips When a Mild to Moderate Deathquake Jiggles Your Shit"

1. Jump out of bed, try to land on your feet and look straight up, straight down and then out the window.

2. Ask wife, "What the fuck was that baby???"

3. Put on pants. If certain death lies beneath the surface of DeKalb Rock City, it's best to meet it with pants on....especially if you're me.

4. Loot. Unfortunately due to the economic downturn and general lack of decent stores in the greater DeKalb Metropolitan area most of our city's residents skipped this step.

5. Call on a higher power...in my case I shouted out, "Save us P Diddy! Grab Larry King's suspenders and pull Nate out of the ruins of the Annex. Yes I know the Annex was pretty much in ruins before Deathquake 2010 but now even the ruins are totally fucking ruined!"

6. Start doctoring up your resume in the hopes of becoming Director of FEMA. It's DeKalb for fuck sake. You can do relatively little in the way of clean up and still say you saved it.

7. Drink...and wait for the aftershocks.

More later, if I survive...

Caught and Unmanned

Busted by not one, but two men I know in the healthy-ish section of a fine DK Rock City grocery. I had a basket with lite balsamic vinaigrette, Organic Girl Hearts of Romain and fat-free garlic croutons. When one of my friends called me on this dippy shit I started rifling through the bottles of ready-to-go fruit smoothies and said, "Damn! I thought there wuz porn over here! Just a bunch of stupid, sissy drinks."

I think they bought it.

And once they were safely away I bought a delicious, soy-free protein supplement.

With a Lamp or Something

Not sure if it was a productive week. Work was hectic, but I think I like it that way. Action all day and no shit to worry about when I get home. I could think of worse ways to go about things.

Worked on Learning Curve with Chris and Joe on Wed before D made it to practice. Once he got there we kept going on the new thing from last week. Two weeks in a row of playing with the boys and something like progress is being made.

Cleaning out a ton of shit from my office. Probably two weeks away from having new files in order. Organization isn't everything but it is a definite starting point.

Took 1/2 day on Friday. Teacher institute. Jasmine watched the boy in the morning. We took Ms. J home and the boy and I had Tom and Jerry's. Talked with a man about a garage door. It's not going to work out.

Family Movie Night was Star Trek Generations. Alex loved it. Old Fashioned, Red Stripe and pizza.

Saturday, the mini-Spurs took the court against the mini-Pacers. Alex got some rebounds early, set a bone-jarring pick and got his own bones jarred. Kids are moving faster and faster. It's almost like real basketball out there.

Kim made some great Mexican food. The boy and I watched the Hawks beat the Blues. It's late. Watching 21 Grams. Sean Penn is amazing.

Then Naomi Watts beats the fuck out of Benicio Del Toro with a lamp or something.

Words 1st week o Feb

third

world

dirty

herself

earth

earth

word

perfect

verb

worm

earn

by

buy

didn't

doesn't

general

governor

something