Let's Get My Lost Ball

Bills and practical home ec shit early...drove to the South Side to play a beautiful course with my father-in-law, his friend and his friend's son-in-law.

I was able to successfully deflect any potential problems in the CamPAIN 08 department. One of our foursome is one of these live or die by talk radio conservatives (I have nothing against R's or American Conservatives...I like George Will, I read Bill Crystal and listen to him on the radio but the guys who talk like Mr. Limburger - that's another story)....but one of our foursome...

NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS

...one of these guys was already going on about how Carville and the Spendocrat attack machine is attacking Gov. Palin mercilessly and how they (the Donkeys) are all bastards who just want to give the country away to the 50 millionth customer coming across the border illegally.

When this dude asked me what I thought about Sen. McCain's pick I said, "Well, if they win the election we'll finally have a Veep that knows how to shoot."

I wanted to get behind Cheney's thug lifestyle believe me I did. That guy was taking out lawyers with a flurry of buckshot (sorry NWA fans). I'm a proud American and ya gotta love that shit.

Regarding the golf game, let's just say the son-in-law's let the elder statesmen win because it was the prudent thing to do.

Damn the Red Sox.

Worked on my story and I think changed every relevant passage in my story referring to a paraffin lamp and made it a kerosene lamp. I say relevant because all the passages that were changed deal with light in the Smith basement and in the trapping cabin. No one would use paraffin that far north in Illinois in the winter. Kerosene, while stinkier was cheaper and guaranteed to work in the cold. Duh.

I'm learning something writing this damned thing.

Baron DeKalb Reflects on Sen. Kennedy's Speech

If I was advising the Senior Senator from Massachusetts he would've ended his speech by saying "Ok, I'm outta here. Now who needs a ride?" Cue band for this song, star-wipe and we're out.

Good Luck Jackasses

Forget Red State, Blue State, Green Convention, sprinklers dousing the Fox News Crew or any of the timely hoopla that goes along with coverage of the big Donkey Show in Denver.

Even the flibbilty-floo of Drinky Kennedy's surprise public appearance...

I watched some live and listened to some replays of the speeches and action and I love the passion in spite of the skeezy showmanship BS. The passion for Obama is part of what makes me love this country (even tho, I am sort of leaning towards his opponent at this point)

Do I think America has been knee-jerking itself like a farmer named Bufford calling a square dance since the summer of 2006? Maybe, but the energy with which people have come out...even in the wake of the negativity at the end of the Democratic Primary process...

...even with the negative noise coming from both sides calling John McCain a "third term for Bush" - - please...I could take 8 more years of Bush without Turdblossom and Rummy

I probably don't mean that.

...and we all hear the overzealous characterizations of Obama when "critics" say on one hand 'we don't know who he his' and then 'but we do know he will tax the shit out of you'

My associate Mr. Schuster and I took on the task of lowering the old Old Glory flying outside our place of business and put up a new flag. We carefully folded the old one and brought it to one of the gals in the corporate office. She lives near our local American Legion outpost and they have a flag deposit mailbox (presumably in accord with flag etiquette) for all the flags to be properly burned together.

I am and will always be a Catholic first, but the beauty of my country embodied in its symbols, its traditions, its colors always make me grateful for being who I am, where I am.

But you know what I really love about America? Thurston Moore talking about the motherfucking Minutemen and eating squid with Mike Watt.

No Ray

The SOX had no business winning the game today which is what made it all the more fun… and with the Twins unfortunate loss, my beloved SOX are back in 1st place for another day.

As much as I’d like to sit and gloat (Ross?)…oh, that’s Gload. As much as I’d like to smile smugly at how fate and crappy umpiring has helped the team I love it is hat tipping time.

1. edP tips his WhiteSOX hat to the Rays who have put together a great team. Who’d a thought the X-Ray Specs guy would turn out to be such a great manager? Maybe he’s stealing signs with those goggles (the Rays may have actually done that on Friday but White SOX fans watched one of the great sign-stealing bench coaches of all time so they cannot complain about anyone stealing signs against the South Side heroes

2. Tip o’ my WhiteSOX cap to Ryan Dempster (who I have called Dumpster elsewhere). Winning 15 games after a starter converted to closer converted back to starter…and Canadian to boot? Tip of my toque to you Big Canadian Red (not anyone’s nickname)

3. Finally, Doug Eddings I love you but you are a shitty umpire. Either AJ has pictures of you hanging out with NBA referees or the Mayor’s hired goons have your family stashed away somewhere in Bridgeport. Well, if the WhiteSOX make the playoffs by one game, here’s hoping you get a playoff share.

Kish Begins

Today is the first session for a record that may or may not be called Kish. Today I begin the recording project (reworked a thousand different ways) that I have wanted to do since the Ambersons broke up. I have the money squirreled away to keep at this til it is done and more importantly I think I have a method for getting this shit together without interrupting bigDrag or any of my other projects.

Pretty geeked up about it all...

It is later and things went great. Missed Devin and wish we could've started and finished the first day of tracking this thing w/ him. OD is going to e-mail at least one of the songs to our pal.

Got home and blew off some sort of important things to golf. It felt like a victory lap. I get so few of those in this life.

This was a good day, a good fucking day.

Cause of Bridge Collapse Unknown?

Local officials say they don't know why this bridge over the mighty Kishwaukee River collapsed yesterday.

I say there is only one reasonable conclusion.

Gator.

Flag Football

Sorry gang...no pictures of Alex's first adventure on the outdoor gridiron. Lots of rain tonight but the boys had a blast. They gave Grossman a fair shot at QB on the YMCA's flag football squad but he just couldn't pick up the blitz.

For more serious gator updates go here

The Gator Situation Just Got Worse

Gatorgate 08 Update

This just in: The alligator that presumably some local stoners dumped in the river is continuing its reign of terror throughout the lower Kishwaukee Valley area. The creature has been dubbed the Kish-Ness Monster (or Kishy for short). Now we have this amateur footage of the most recent gator attack to plague our heretofore peaceful, gator-free community.

WARNING: This material may be offense to some due to amazingly unbelievable special-effects, the menacing of a small pet, and bad acting.

Later Gator

Ok, it is later and I have spent some time down at the Kish today.... work, gator hunting - - I get paid just the same no matter what right? Anyhow I have this footage for you:

Nobody Panic

...but we better rummage through the late mayor's desk drawer to see if DeKalb has any sort of emergency plan for GATOR ATTACK!

The Next Mayor of DeKalb?

Early Birthday

And not that guy Early from the movie...but Cousin Mike. Happy early birthday to my Cousin who may be older than Jack Benny claimed to be but not older than Jack Benny actually is...

Which is dead.

Cousin Mike you rule this and many known universes

Heart the Job

I know I am gonna sound like a dick, but I love my stupid job. Mondays seem like they only last 5 minutes because they are so damned busy. The minute I am out the door I forget everything. Tonight I got home, ran errands on my bike and cranked out a page and 1/2 of MOI. SOX lost, but aside from that I feel fucking great!

Holy Sheets

...of rain Batman! Alex and I went to visit Grandma and Grandpa. On the way back, the rain was so bad I missed the 88 exit so we ended up taking 355 all the way to 64.

The boy and I just took the scenic route and stayed on 64 all the way. As we passed through Wheaton I told Alex, "A Supreme Court Justice has a daughter...or daughter-in-law, I forget, that lives here. He was visiting his grandbaby a few years ago and then came to our town to speak."

I did not mention that Justice Scalia's kin received a DUI in this part of Illinois famous for being DRY.

"Isn't this country great son?"

The Almighty Plays Through

My walk in the woods wasted was temporarily interrupted tonight. The sun set behind me and I could make out the moon up ahead. A giant line of clouds swept in, colored pink & green from the setting sun and the still blue sky overhead. The wind picked up as this mass of half-transmogrified water, this golf bag of Heaven’s Master raged directly over me…making me cold and afraid. There looked to be strange rotation in the clouds heading toward me but perhaps it is because I have never seen a line of clouds this low with nothing else in the sky, from this particular angle, lit up by the sunset.

I stood there, stupefied and amazed. It was dark and the wind blew the long grass almost even with the ground.

Then the line of clouds which looked as if it stretched all the way to Hinkley (where the Harlem Globetrotters player their first game) moved westward. The air was warmer, the grass was upright again and the sky returned to its previous color and luminosity.

Guess I was playing too slow. The Lord has to get nine in before traveling back in time to a parallel universe and hear the desperate cries of one Kathy Griffin who (in this reality) has dropped her Jamba Juice because Devin bumped into her instead of just saying “Wazzup”

Crop Chopper

Tonight’s golf poem began beautifully enough…

Par
Bogey
Par

Then…

Four shots just to get to the green
Miss ball entirely on second putt
What is that whupp whupp whupping sound?

“Fuck me,” says me to no one, and even if I was enjoying a quiet round of golf with someone that someone would hear nothing over the eggbeater above, “It’s a fucking helicopter crop duster? Are you kidding me?!? I guess the ethanol provision was approved or extended or whatever the fuck cuz these fucking farmers have choppers now! Maybe this means DeKalb is the new Dubai!”

(Found out that just today the EPA denied Texas its waiver for the ethanol mandate so my mindless rant was somewhat timely)

One minute I am enjoying all the serenity that the half-finished, totally shabby South Point Greens have to offer..the next I am in the middle of the Mei Kong fucking delta armed only with my Hybrid, 23 degree Four Iron.

I tried to call for some ground-to-air retaliation but only got D.C. Liar’s voicemail.

I screamed, “Charlie don’t fucking golf!”

…and made my way to the Tiki Hut for a road soda from Knob Creek.

DNP is OK

After a brutal weekend in the Show Me State, Chicago's very own White SOX had the night off and are back in 1st place.

WHOO HOO!

Now if they can just find a way to not play the rest of the season there might be another World Championship for the SOX.

Mission Accomplished Yet Again

Lots and lots of golf this weekend. Let’s put it this way, every time SOX pitching ran into trouble with the KC lineup…I hit the golf course. SOX keep pitching this way and I could end up being the next Gary Player.

…or some other South African douchebag.

My best front nine this weekend went as follows:

Bogey, par, par, quadruple-bogey, bogey, triple-bogey, quadruple-bogey, bogey, par.

Of course without giving the distances or the numbers for par on those nine holes the scores above are meaningless.

If it makes anyone feel better, I captured or killed 70% of all terrorists while golfing.

Debut

I had so much fun watching Junior's debut with Chicago's very own White SOX.

NOT THAT JUNIOR YOU SICK BASTARDS!...although he is fun.

Maybe I am just glad not to have to watch the fucking Twins hitters lie in the weeds for 5 innings and then rip out the heart of SOX pitching. The Twins are a bunch of cum-eating cocksuckers! And again, I admire those stupid cum-eating cocksuckers.

Cubs fans, they will get the Buckos Saturday. Listened to Bruce Levine's interview with Neil Cotts and he (Levine) confirmed the good feeling I have had all season for that Cub team. The baseball Zeus said something like..."Neil, when I am in your clubhouse I can't tell whether you guys won or loss."

See Cub fans, I can't sit here and say this means they will win the World Series...but that attitude will probably get them there (unless Tony LaR has one or two more tricks up his sleeves).

Threw up a 52 on the front nine last night and I am happy. That is the sad state of my golf game.